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Showing posts from 2010

New Crush Alert

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Never being one to have a crush on men w/ blonde hair, imagine my surprise to find myself salivating over Mark Valley. Blonde, piercing blue eyes, megawatt smile. HubbaHubba.


Merry Christmas

I honestly didn't think anyone would post on Christmas Day.  I came on to see if anyone would and they did.

First off, I'd like to wish a Merry Christmas to my favourite people on Blogville (I don't need to name names, you know who you are).  Christmas was great, except for when I had to hand off my son to his dad at noon today, but I digress.  Something the priest said during midnight mass stayed w/ me.  He said that we've received the perfect present from the only perfect being, God and that present is His Son.  Such love.

I thank God that for loving us so much that He wanted us to be free of sin that He allowed His Son to be born on this day, so that He would die that we may have life.

Thank you Father for such love.

God's presence

I had a convo of sorts w/ God and told Him that I wish that He were around.  I told Him that I wished that He were tangible.  This is something I said to Him as I was getting on the freeway on my way to work this morning.  Imagine my astonishment when I was driving, getting close to work and a HUGE rainbow was before me.  I know for some this may not mean anything, but for me, it means A LOT.

Thank you Father for first of all, hearing me and second of all showing me that You are around.

Composite

I've been thinking about this for a while now.  There are some amazing qualities that the men I've dated or am currently seeing have but there are also some qualities they have that I'm not too fond of.  This is leading to the fact that, in my head, I have this picture of this ideal guy for me.  I wish I could build the ideal man, not perfect because there's no such thing, for me.  But the more I think about it, the more the notion comes to mind that no matter who we end up w/, they won't encompass everything we're looking for.  We make adjustments, compromises for the little things.  That's an interesting concept, one that I'm not sure I'm ready to accept yet.  In my mind, I still believe that the one for me is out there, I just haven't met him yet.  (I know.  I'm 35 yrs old and I still believe in fairy tales - tee hee).
I'm at work and taking a quick break to post this.  I came out of the bathroom some minutes ago.  Our work bathroom is pristine, even on a weekend.  I had to pee so badly and so I rushed into the loo.  Lo and behold, the stench that awaited me was unlike anything my nose had ever beheld.  There are three stalls and the smell was strongest in the first stall.  I moved to the second and the smell wafted into the second and when I tried going into the third and final stall, it was too strong.  I bailed out of the ladies bathroom and ran into the men's bathroom.  Luckily it's the wknd and there are no men around so I was able to use the bathroom.  But it got me to think about the smell I encountered in the women's bathroom.  It wasn't the smell from someone having a bowel movement, but the smell from a woman's vagina.  Now, as a woman, I know that we have our natural smell.  But this smell was far beyond even my own comprehension.  It was FOUL!  I have the pleasure…

Frustrated as fuck and I'm not angry

I've been told that I have anger issues and I'll be the first to admit that I do.  I get peeved easily.  But I'm praying about it and I know that God can destroy it.

What am I frustrated about?  My life, in general.  I'm so off track right now.  I really don't know where to go.  I just turned 35 on November 8th and I'm lost.  I was on track, had everything mapped out: graduate in 2011 June, take the NCLEX, get a job, meet someone in 2011, get married in 2012, get pregnant, have a baby by 2013 or 2014.  Now, I'm stuck.  Visually, I feel like I'm in the middle of this blank white page, and there's nothing in front of me, behind, or on either side of me.  I feel like as I move forward, I'm just just seeing white and not sure if I should continue to move forward because I don't see any landmarks or visuals of land before me.  I know it's worry talking.  I sit here and ponder the fact that I don't know what I'm going to do if I can&#…

New Crush aka who I pray will be my future husband.

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I've resisted putting something up because I didn't have anything profound to say and I still don't, but I just wanted to write something, in hopes that my juices would start flowing.  We'll see how it goes:
I had this idea to write about something yesterday.  I had the idea in my head but I completely forgot what I was going to write about.  I was in Beverly Hills yesterday.  I work in Beverly Hills now and during my lunch break, I had to run some errands.  Something caught my attention but for the life of me, I just cannot remember what it was.  How sad.  
On another note, I'm no longer w/ CG.  Turns out we were in no way, shape, or form compatible.  I think I'd always known, but I just wanted someone around and hoped that we would work.  But I am seeing someone, but it's purely physical.  The thing is, I'm tired of having purely physical relationships.  I want a relationship w/ meaning.  I want a relationship based on deeper foundations instead of whet…
Am I shallow because I prefer to be thin and not fat?  I've been on a mission to be thin since July of this year.  I have a love hate relationship w/ my weight.  I've lost 23lbs so far, gained about 4 back, on a mission to shed 20 more lbs.  I think the love hate relationship is w/ food.  I love food, but sometimes use it as a crutch when I'm feeling emotionally perplexed.

I have this phobia of fat.  I seriously hope I'm not offending anyone, but I do.  I refuse to date a fat man.  There is nothing sexy about seeing all that flesh over pants, not to even mention when the clothes come off and that body has to lie on top of me?  Gives me the heebee jeebees thinking about it.

I hadn't bought new clothes in a long time because when I gained the 40 lbs I'd gained cause I was depresseds, I refused to buy bigger clothes.  I did make one concession:  for the party I went to where I met CG, I bought a dress, a size 14 dress.  It was a pretty dress.  My mom insisted I …
I totally understand that I've been MIA and I do apologize.  I'm even writing this from work, during my ten min break.  I miss my peeps, my crew, my compadres, mis amigos, etc.

I'm currently listening to Pandora.com, genome radio and I'm listening to songs that are evoking feelings from me.  I can't believe I'm getting emotional over certain songs and it's kind of annoying me.  Laugh all you want.  I know I border on the absurd, but hey, deal with it.  LOL.  I'm just imaging NJ shaking her head right now.

Aside from my son, school and work, my life is good. I'm happy, very happy.  June 2011 is my projected graduation date and I'm so stoked.  But I was told to just take it one day at a time and not try and control what's going to happen in the future.  I couldn't even if I wanted to.  I seriously can't wait till I have a vacay so I get back into the thick of blogging.  I miss it.  I miss my peeps (said that already I know, but I do)…
Today is my off day from both work and school and i pretty much stayed up all night, watching tv and now blogging.  I'm a bag of mixed emotions because of the mayhem going on in my mother's house and the fact that i'm back w/ my ex boyfriend, I'm very happy about that.  CG is totally out of the picture, the twat, but for the most part, I'm doing ok.  I have God on my side.  Truly, psalm 27 is really coming in handy during these trying times.  V10: my mother and father may abandon me but the Lord will take care of me.  I love the Lord and He has truly heard my cry.  God is good.

CG
Well, last Saturday, i drove CG to the airport before going into work.  I'd already been having my misgivings about him but I just shook them off.  So, Saturday night he lands in NY.  He first sent me a text to let me know he'd gotten there safely earlier in the day.  He later called me to chat but my sister, cousin and i were driving to a party and were using my phone as our navi…

Dear Dad

I've had this idea brimming in my head for about a week now and I still don't know whether I'll go through w/ it.  I wanted to write a letter to my dad, my biological father.  My dad wasn't the typical father.  He was never around when we lived as a family and even when my mom, sibs and I moved to America, he didn't join us.  He in effect left us to fend for ourselves and let me tell you, there were some days where we didn't know where our next meal would come from or even if we'd have a roof over our heads.  But by God's grace and w/ a mother with the will of iron, we survived.  God is good.

The reason I kept thinking about writing a letter to my dad was because my sister and I were chatting one day.  She and my mom are extremely close.  My mom and I love each other to pieces, but we're not close like she and my sister are.  I never realized before until this convo I had w/ my sister how lacking I was.

I was supposed to be daddy's little girl…

My breasts

Breasts given by God
for nourishment for my child for pleasure for my lover
My breasts prepubescently insignificant flat and bare as untiled land
Budding mounds  barely seen, yet noticed not yet ready to impress the world enough to impress me
Firm, supple, succulent untouched by gravity gravity defying high peaks upturned points
Engorged, sensitive to touch filled w/ milk to feed my babe stretched skin, darkened nipples and areolae
No longer gravity defying pulled to the ends of the earth by gravity no longer upturned peaks
Still found useful by my lover and me still seen as God's gifts to me no longer that of a child now those of a woman







Sunday Musings

Today's gospel in church came from Luke 15:1-32.  It's about the prodigal son.  The priest talked of how we should glorify and celebrate the love that God has for us, the same sort of love that the father had for his son who demanded his inheritance and squandered it.  We too squander the blessing, gifts, treasures that God gives us and when we hit the lowest low, we come back to our senses, remember our father and run back to him.  We all sin, that's a given, but today's sermon and reading really hit close to home about God loves us and gives us a new slate, just like the father gave his son a new chance.

Before I leave the house, I always pray for protection to and from my various destinations.  On Sundays, I pray not only for protection, but when we go to church, I pray that the Spirit of God fall upon me and allow me to be present spiritually, not just physically, in church.  I thank God for today He nourished me spiritually today with the gospel and the sermon and…
October 2005 Leslie sat there, still unbelieving that her best friend was gone.The funeral had ended and despite family and friends milling around, Leslie was oblivious to any of it.She just sat there, looking at the hole in the ground that contained the casket that held her love.Lester was gone.Really and truly gone.Leslie was alone and wanted to be with Lester.She was so tempted to be in that dark, empty space with him.She didn’t want to live anymore.She couldn’t cry anymore.There were no tears left.Devastation couldn’t begin to describe what Leslie was feeling.Lester, the man who encompassed Leslie’s world, was gone forever. Annabel, Leslie’s sister, didn’t know what else she could say to console her.She saw Leslie just stare into the hole and couldn’t stand it any longer.She worried for her sister because she knew Leslie would dive into that hole if she could.As she walked toward her sister, she simply wiped the tears from her eyes.Sitting next to her sister, she tried to take her i…

Weekend update

So, this past weekend, Caribbean Guy (CG), true to his word, came to the prewedding party and wedding and met my mother, briefly.

Prewedding Party:
My sister and I showed up at almost 11pm.  CG was supposed to be there at midnight.  My sis and I hung out, saw a couple of people we know and were just chilling.  We didn't dance when we got there immediately.  Midnight rolled around and CG wasn't there.  My sis made a comment about it and asked if he was going to show and I told her that if he did, great, if he didn't oh well.  I played w/ the games on my phone to occupy my mind so that I wouldn't think about CG not showing up and to keep me from looking at the time.  So, I danced w/ a couple guys I knew, one a total jackass who my sister dated eons ago and a guy I met at a Labor Day party 3yrs ago, who had since gotten married and had two kids, but still looked cute.  So, I was dancing with the first guy, the jackass, when I spotted CG on the side, just watching me.  He…

I love the Lord

There was a time, in my mind, where I wanted to designate Sundays as a day to post about the Lord or anything that had to do w/ God and I haven't kept to that idea.  I'm a bit late, being that today is Monday, but whatever.
In my prayer group today, the passage we read was Isa 45:1-23.  The part about this passage that got to me and what the preacher preached on was how God does SO MUCH for us, but we still don't acknowledge him.  I felt so awful, so ashamed because I can totally relate.  It was speaking to me.  There are so many things I want to do to change that beginning with praying to Him instead of just talking to Him and praising Him more.  
There was a song we sang today in church that I love.  The song is called "In every age, Oh God, you have been our refuge."  Great song.  It went with the sermon we heard in church.   The priest preached on the gospel, according to Luke, Luke 14:25-33.  
I loved this Sunday, because it was just a spirit-filled day and I f…

Thursday's date

Wow, feels like I've been gone for two weeks, but only a couple days.  So, this is an update from the date I had with the Caribbean Guy I met at the party I went to a couple weeks ago.  It was awesome.  Just awesome.  Why was it awesome you ask?  Because we talked for the whole night.  Now, why is that such a big deal you ask?  Cause before the date, we talked and texted everyday and thought we wouldn't have a lot to talk about.  Let me just say that for whatever reason, before we met up, I was seriously nervous.  My stomach was doing flip flops and running every which way.  So, we met up, ate and just talked.  We talked about everything under the sun from family to politics, our convo ran the gamete.  He is wicked smart and so sweet.  Such a nice guy, a really nice guy.  But there is one mar to this amazing guy.  He's a Republican.  I'm a Liberal Democrat.  LOL.  Really, it's not a biggie.  I know a few peeps are going to read this a make fun cause I'm gushing…

Taking a break

What up y'all? Just taking a quick break from the books. Started school on Monday and it's back to the grind. Saw this on people.com and found it on youtube. Hope you laugh like I did. Cheers!
I've always been of the mind that I have to get to know a guy first, before divulging a lot of info about me, in order to know who he is and know his intentions toward me.  The guy I met at the party I went to Saturday seems like a really nice guy.  The more I talk to him and get to know him, I find myself ticking off a couple items off my list.  You know, the "list."  I asked him today what he thought of me and he said I'm interesting, but I'm hiding so he doesn't know me fully yet, but I'm definitely intriguing based on the snippets he's been given.  He's physically attracted t me but he's still learning or attempting to learn what makes me tick.  I told him that I have to know someone and their intentions before I open myself up to them and he said that he's the opposite.  He has to know someone before he knows what his full intentions are toward them.  He also said that he knows he likes me and is attracted to me but does that really c…

Dream Dinner

This is my dream dinner. I have been craving this cut of meat for weeks now and I'm hoping that next week, it will be a reality. My goodness. What this is doing to me. lmao. I'd definitely have it more done than this, about a medium well. I'll also have it with tons of sautéed spinach, mushrooms, broccoli and carrots. I might even have it with a bottle of non alcoholic wine. I'm adding the wine cause I've been inspired by NaijaLine's tales on her wine experience (tipsy ke lol). I'm drooling now. I'll let y'all know how it turns out. I'll even take pictures of the entire process. Tootles.

Fi mi le

This post has nothing to do with that song, but it's what was in my head so I thought it would make a great title.  This post is about the party I went to on Saturday night.  I'd like to say thanks to Musco, Tnotes and Rethots, who made me go.

I didn't want to go to this party, but was bullied by my mom and sister into going.  I went w/ absolutely no expectations.  As long as the music was good and I could dance, I was fine.  The party was off the chain, like Americans say.  It was a great party, didn't end till almost 4am.

I met a great guy there.  He's Caribbean, an Attorney, 6'1, very attractive and patient.  My sister and I were on the dance floor pretty much all night so we went into the house to take a load off and this guy approaches us.  I already check out because I figure he's there to talk to my sister and imagine my surprise when he sat next to me.  I just figured that he couldn't find a seat next to my sister so he took the next available …
Name: YN
Ht: 5'11
Wt: Nunya

What's with the stats?  Cause I'm trying to show that as big as I am, I'm a coward.  Yes folks, there it is.  My mom brought home a "fresh" chicken today and asked me to cut it up and clean it.  No problem.  I opened up the bag the chicken was in and as I lifted it out of the bag, I saw it's head was still attached and it's eyes were half closed.  I dropped that chicken so fast and scooted so far away from it.  I ran to the stairs, to find my mom and ask that if she cuts the head off, I can get on with the task of dismembering the bird.  She laughed her head off.  She always does when I find myself in these situs.  These moments don't happen often, thank God, but they do happen.  The last time I can remember was eons ago and I had to clean some catfish mom got.  I walked to the sink, not even thinking anything at all, then I saw eyes looking at me.  Mind you, regular fish eyes don't bug me.  But catfish eyes are ent…
There's something about being different that can't really be explained.  I watch my son and how he's so American.  He was born here, is part of the "American culture."  Granted, my son knows he's Nigerian.  He eats more soup and fufu/pounded yam, than he eats hot dogs, hamburgers, etc.  He loves his rice and stew.  But he also gets the stuff that only kids in America get.  I came to this country when I was 6 going on 7.  I didn't get the bed time stories with the usual cast of characters (snow white, Cinderella, Bambi, etc), I never saw the movie Bambi, still haven't to this day or Snow White and the 7 dwarfs or Cinderella.  I didn't do any of that.  I can remember when I was in the second grade, we were given an art project to do.  It was a swan in a lake.  Each of us were given markers and were told to color.  I just colored.  I colored my lake red and the swan some off color.  When we were done, we had to show our work.  Imagine my surprise whe…

Praise the Lord

So, instead of bellyaching and moaning about whatever is bothering me, I will just praise Him. I was reminded tonight, while praying with my family, that I should just praise Him. I am grateful for all that He has done and all that He will do.
I hate waiting.  I have no patience whatsoever.  That, I think is one of my worst traits.  I think that's why I hate surprises because I don't know what's going on.  Even when I got engaged, Uzoma and I went ring shopping together because I didn't want to be surprised.  I picked out my own ring.  When I was pregnant, I had to find out the sex of the baby.  Why am I saying this?  Cause the waiting for a mate is getting to me.  Not the whole not having sex bit, but I miss having a companion.  I miss it a lot.  Having that someone you can talk to whenever, you can see whenever.  But at the same time, I sick of not having what I want.  I'm tired of compromising just to have someone around.  I keep chanting in my head the same mantra, "wait on the Lord, wait on the Lord" and that is exactly what I'm doing, waiting on Him to provide me with the best.  Still, I guess while I wait, I should pray for patience and a calming spirit.

Dedicated to my new crush

Just a piece of nonfiction I whipped up in honour of my new crush.  Tootles.   P.S.  Don't ask me, cause I won't tell you.    *sticking my tongue out*

First impressions are supposed to be defining moments.What a defining moment indeed.The moment I laid eyes on him, I was stunned into silence.He walked across the room, so confident, so self assured.I tried not to stare, but it was proving to be quite difficult not to.He seemed so focused on where he needed to go so he didn’t seem aware of me ogling him.How could I not?What was before me was a god, sent down to earth to meander with us mortals.He was tall, about six feet and lean, but not to the point of being emaciated.I hoped that underneath that suit, there would be a well defined, muscular physique.His face, more than his height and build, was what drew my attention to him.Not a pretty boy by any means.He could probably melt stone if he sneered at it long enough, but when in the relaxed state it was in, he looked approachable.…

Jokes

A bunny and a bear both go into the bathroom and both do number 2.  The bear asks the bunny, "do you ever have problems w/ poop sticking to your fur?"  and the bunny say, "no."  Then the bear says, "good", then takes the bunny and wipes his ass.

Thank you, thank you.  I'll be here all week.
Driving to the store, I saw all the kids who were let out from their high school, all walking to their respective homes.  It made me think about my teenage years.  You couldn't pay me enough money to ever go back to being a teenager.  But I see these kids, the girls mainly, and see how confident they seem.  For me, it sucked being a teenager.  I was so awkward, such a nerd and not even a cool nerd at that.  I went to an all girls Catholic high school.  We were required to wear uniforms, blue skirts, walking shorts or pants, white shirts, blue sweaters, penny loafers or oxfords.  What distinguished each class were the color ties we wore.  Depending on the incoming class, you wore either a red, green, gold (yellow) or blue tie.  My class were the green ties.  Go Green ties!!!  Anyway, my way of rebelling, breaking away from my nerddom, was to be out of uniform in some fashion, whether wearing non uniform shoes, taking my backpack into class, etc.  I lost my green tie the second week…

Koop - Summer Sun

Great song.

Aldis Hodge presents THE HAND JOBS - Getting What You Want The LEVERAGE Way

Aldis Hodge. So cute. Not Nigerian. Damn.

Attention: Kooks and Krazies Wanted

Living in L.A. is always an "adventure."  It never ceases to amaze me that weird shit always seems to happen out here, more so than anywhere else.  What is the deal really?  (this is not a rant, written w/ a moderate tone)  Was there some mass recruitment of all the nut jobs that live in other parts of the world, seeking asylum?  I wonder.  I was running around town, just for the fun of it, and I saw the oddest thing.  I was at a red light, and in front of me, this dude gets out of his SUV, looks around then shakes like he's doing the Harlem Shake.  How bizarre.  I just chuckled and thought, "well, here's another one for the books."
This song is my latest find. Well, it's actually a movie but the song really gets to me. I love how the song and these parts of the movie fit. I was introduced to Indian movies by my uncle, who I lived w/ in Lagos. I've tried every way possible to find this particular track, but no luck. Found it purely by accident and so glad i did. Hope YOU like it.

New Crush Alert

Marcus Samuelsson
Born in Ethiopia, raised in Sweden.  He and his sister were orphans in Ethiopia and were adopted by a Swedish couple.  He is just so yummy.  A man after my own heart, not only really attractive, but can cook.  

Chef Stories - Scott Conant

YES!!!!!!  HA HA!  I got it, oh yeah I got it.  La la la la    la.  lol.

New Crush Alert

Yes, I'm at it again.  I have a new crush.  His name is Scott Conant and he's a chef.  He can be seen regularly on the Foodnetwork's Chopped and he now has his own show, 24hour Restaurant.  I first laid eyes on him when he appeared on No Reservations.  It was a special episode where Anthony Bourdain focused on the basics and had world renowned chefs make basic meals.  Chef Conant was in charge of making spaghetti.  Funny thing is, I didn't think there was anything special about him, at the time.  But after catching that episode again, there was something about him.  Imagine my surprise when I saw him on Chopped.  He looked, dare I say, good.  He was wearing a sports coat and shirt, unbuttoned, and had a handkerchief in his coat pocket.  He looked really snazzy.  Mind you , I was watching Chopped long before Chef Conant was asked to be a guest judge, so imagine my surprise when I'd tune into Chopped and I'd be hoping to see Chef Conant.  Now, he has his own show…

Faith and praise

My family and I pray every night at 9pm, one of the hours of prayer.  On Saturday, we read Job 1, the whole chapter.  We each go around and share our thoughts about how the passage we read touched us, how it spoke to us.  When my mom spoke, she focused in on v 21, He said, "I was born with nothing, and I will die with nothing.  The Lord gave, and now he has taken away.  May his name be praised."  She talked about how amazing it was that Job was so faithful to God.  Not only did he lose his wealth, his livestock, but lost his children, all of them, in one fell swoop.  But instead of cursing God, like any one of us would do, Job praised the Lord.  Such faith.  It blew me away.  She went on to tell us that we must praise God.  Especially when times get bad.  Don't complain, but praise Him.  Don't curse Him, but praise Him.  I found that to be so profound.  It led me to the song by Marvin Sapp "Praise Him in advance".  I just thought the messages were so amazin…
Two thoughts for today:

1.  Women drivers.
I'm sorry ladies, but I have to get this off my chest.  Some, not all, women should not be allowed to drive.  If you must drive, don't drive an SUV.  I was going to the post office this afternoon and saw this SUV pulling out of a drive way.  The person driving was pulling out like she had no room whatsoever to move.  I stopped a good half mile behind her, just to be safe.  lol.  Which reminded me of the time I was a student at Uni.  I was parking my car and this big, white Yukon tried to park in front of me.  I just knew it was a woman, a short one at that, driving and sure enough, when the door opened, short, hispanic chick gets out of the car.  Oy!

2.  I saw this very provocative movie last night, called I am Dina.  Great movie.  The movie, in a nutshell, is about an adorable little girl and the death of her mother and how her mother's death impacts her life.  Great movie.  And to think I stumbled upon this movie by shear chan…

I understand

Call it what you will: maturity, getting older, etc, but there's something that happens when you get to a certain level of understanding, a certain age.  When I was younger, I felt the world revolved around me.  Well, didn't it? lol.  I took no notice of anything else or anyone else for that matter but me.  My only concerns were of my wants, needs, etc.  If put in a situation where someone couldn't bend to my wishes, I took it personally, as an affront towards me.  But now, I find myself constantly saying, "I understand", because I actually do.  It's just odd and I hope I'm making sense.  Take my desire for my bff.  I've come to terms that I love this man beyond anything I can imagine but the practical side has won out over the emotional side.  The younger or rather immature me (cause maturity is not a sign of age, but wisdom, lol) would have thrown all caution to the wind and professed my feelings to him and let the chips fall where they may.  In my …

New Musical Find

I guess it's no secret that my taste in music varies.  So, last night/early this morning, woke up for whatever reason, went downstairs and turned the tv on.  I usually don't go toward the music channels, so I was just changing the channels when I came across this video with these two guys, w/ their two sons at the park.  The video got me really cause it was too cute then I started paying attention to the song.  Great beat, oh man the beat.  Then the vocals.  Singer is reminiscent of Mick Jagger.  Great cross between blues/rock/r&b.  Turned the tv off and immediately downloaded it.  So looking forward to those long drives to Palmdale and back or even visiting my sister up north and having this play as the soundtrack to my drive.  Nice!  Lest I forget:  Band - The Black Keys,   Song: Tighten up.  Gotta check it out.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mpaPBCBjSVc&playnext=1&videos=pwgPJYuHA44&feature=artistob

Open Letter

This past Saturday, God spoke to me and told me I need to let go of the anger.  I honestly didn't believe it, at first.  Me?  Angry?  At what?  At who?  But then, as the day progressed, I really thought about it and on Sunday, it came to me.  As you know, I was married five years ago for two years.  Even till Sunday, I could never bring myself to call my ex husband that, my ex husband.  I always called him Munchkin's dad.  And so, I decided I have to let go of the anger, in order to make room for love to come in.  Since he and I don't speak, I decided to write an open letter, to say what I need to say.
Dear Uzoma,
I forgive you.  And ask that you forgive me.  For a long time I hated you and thought that I felt nothing where you were concerned.  But it was not true.  I was hurt from all the vile and cruel things you said about me and did to me, after our marriage dissolved.  I just put them aside, thinking I had dealt with them when in actuality, they were just below the surf…

Like Mother, Like Daughter

Being married to the spawn of hell was the worst experience of my life.  It's interesting to be married to and live with someone who is morally ambiguous.  I don't think about my ex husband.  I sometimes even forget that there was a time I was married to him because I've somehow, as a defense mechanism, blocked it out of my memory.  But when he rears his ugly (literally speaking) head, it takes me back to those dark days and I end up in a dark place.  Being divorced from him still, I cannot escape him because we share a child.  Something I never knew was that my dad was the exact same way with my mother, my biological father, that is.  He was a beast, incapable of showing love, a truly heartless individual.  My father, like my ex husband, take the word cruelty to a whole new stratosphere.  I can remember when I was 4, I heard my mom calling out for help and the sound was coming from my parents bedroom.  I ran into the room, to find my father and mother, both on the floor, …
I was so bored, to no end, yesterday.  Oy!  To alleviate my boredom, I even resorted to cleaning out my closet, getting ride of items I know I won't be wearing anytime soon or ever again.  School resumes next month, I'm probably getting antsy cause I'm itching to be productive again.  Who knows.  But it's so weird.  I went to bed really late last night and woke up relatively early and I've been up since.  I'm contemplating sharing the dream I had last night.  It was pretty weird, really bizarre actually.  In the dream, I have two lovely friends.  We do everything together.  Something happened where we were accused of a crime, don't really remember what it was, but it was pretty bad.  So bad in fact that we were wanted by the police.  We had decided to make a run for it because we were given some sort of insight into what was to befall us.  We saw where we were taken into custody and were imprisoned for the duration of our lives.  I ran home, packed my thing…

Some fun for today. teehee!

1.  go to google

2.  type in "lol, limewire"

3.  go to bottom where you'd normally click "search" but instead, click "I'm feeling lucky"

4.  Enjoy.

"Oh Shit" moment

What's an "oh shit" moment?  Well, it's those moments when something happens and you say, you guessed it.  I'm admitting something here that I've finally come to terms with.  I'm falling in love with my best friend, my best mate.  He has no idea and thankfully will never know cause he doesn't know my blog exists.  I've known him for ages now or what seems like forever.  We talk everyday and sometimes into the night about everything.  He knows me.  I mean, really knows me and doesn't judge me, in any way.  He is the male version of me.  It came as a shock to me today that I'm falling in love with him.  Why today of all days?  I have no idea, but it fell on me like a ton of bricks today, when I was talking to him and looking outside my window.  The thing now is what to do about it.  I have the answer.  Nothing.  Absofreaking nothing.  That's what I'm going to do about it.  I look at it this way.  He's my best friend and I wouldn&…
Today being Sunday, I just wanted to share the happiness I feel today, basking in the love of God.  Lately, I felt a sort of disconnect with God, felt I was veering off the path He had for me, but unlike before, where I would wallow in the muck and mire of sin, this time, I fought against the tides of temptation and the desires of this world and prayed for God to help me find my way back to Him and for His guidance.  Today, my prayer was answered because I feel this overwhelming sense of love, this wave of love, from Him, has washed over me and I am so grateful.  I listen to the radio, 102.3 KJLH, on Sundays cause they play sermons from different churches, AME churches, throughout Los Angeles, and one particular preacher touched on something that spoke to me.  He talked about how no other person can dictate the kind of person we are meant to be.  No one has the authority to say that we are one way when God created us to be another.  He spoke about how God knew us before we ever existe…

Chiwetel Ejiofor

All I can say is, HUBBA HUBBA.  Latest crush alert.  Dude is just too fine.  Too bad he's shorter than me.  I'm watching 2012 and remembered that I've had a crush on this man for ages.  Dude is just too fine AND he speaks with a British accent and when I googled him (yes, I google), I read where he went to a drama school in Scotland, so I'm thinking there's a chance he can do a Scottish accent upon request.  lol.  (A girl can dream).  Dude is just too fine.  I could write a song about his lips.  Ok, that's enough.  lol.
I have this pet peeve, several actually, but right now, my focus is on pronunciation.  When a word is pronounced incorrectly, it's like nails down a chalkboard for me.  Seriously, it could drive me over the edge.  Case in point: I watch the new Food Channel and I'm slowly starting to love it.  Granted, my feeling is that the Food Network created this channel so that they could continue to bombard us with the usual celebrity chefs.  I was hoping that the Food Channel would be a medium, as they initially advertised it, that would be used to showcase unheard of chefs, cuisines from different cultures, etc.  But I digress.  My issue, ladies and gentlemen, is with one particular personality on the Food Channel.  I'm so annoyed with this dude that I don't even remember his name.  I think his first name is Daryl.  Well, Mr. Daryl has committed the sin of all sins.  Wait for it...When he says the word Vodka, he says Voka.  VOKA.  Seriously?  VODKA.  Is that word really difficu…

Secrets to a happy marriage/relationship

I stole this quote because it said far better than me what makes for a lasting relationship, be it marriage or whatever.

"The longevity of our marriage started first with our attraction...then the development of a strong friendship.  The friendship developed into a deep loving relationship filled with shared interests and experiencing honesty and mutual respect for one another.  This all rests on the foundation of our strong Christian faith!"

Memories

I've been having thoughts, as of late, of when I was a little kid, in Nigeria, before coming to the U.S.  I was born in Gusau or what used to be called Gusau, Sokoto State.  I heard they changed the name of the town I was born.  Anyway, I was born in Gusau and was there till just before we left for America.  I can remember the days, months leading up to our departure.  I can remember we left Gusau and were in our house in Festac.  I loved that house.  It was a new development, at the time.  The front had cobblestones and it had a roundabout. I can remember flying on the plane and being terrified.  Before our departure, my friends and I had been talking about how you can find out if your plane will crash by the color of the clouds.  If the clouds were white to blue, you were safe.  If the clouds were yellow to orange, you'd be fine, but would experience extreme turbulence.  BUT, if they clouds were red, your plane would crash and you would die.  Mind you, we were five and this …

Natural high

Do you ever get the feeling, THAT feeling about someone?  You know what I mean.  That happy, giddy, happy-go-lucky feeling that makes you think that nothing in the world can ever get you down because you can attribute that feeling as coming from someone?  Yeah, I got that feeling.  That feeling that makes me have a spring in my step and a song in my voice.  Totally cheesy, I know, but it's like the good feeling I'm feeling can repel all the bad stuff out there.   Sort of like Kevlar, repels all the bullets that try to hit me.

Kevin Clash

My new crush.  He's just so yummy.  He's like a delicious trippple scoop of caramel ice cream and all I need is a spoon or just take a lick.  He's just so  hot.  Don't know what's come over me.  I think it's cause he looks like this guy I had a thing for when I lived in Naija many moons ago.  It's the nose, I think.  That boy had the same kind of nose, but was much darker.  Any hoo...Yeah, I'm still thinking about Kevin Clash and the thing that trips me out is he's almost 50.  How do I know?  I googled him and found out his bday is in September.  He has a kid, but I don't know if he's married.  I remember watching the FoodNetwork and saw this really cute guy on Bobby Flay's show.  Come to find out, it was Kevin Clash, haha, go figure.  So, yeah.  The only downside is that he's American.  If he were Nigerian and 6'4, he'd be perfect.  lol.  But whatevs.  I'm not in a position to date anyway, so that would be wasted.  BUT, …
Genuine answers from GED exams:

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?

A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight.


Stole the above joke from another blogger.  It was too funny to just leave lying there.  lol.

Last post for today.

I was tagged to do this by T notes and I felt honored cause I'd never been tagged in blogville before, so here goes.


1. Right now I'm feeling: happy and at peace.


2. When I'm alone I feel like: how I feel depends on if it's alone time that's self imposed or forced on me.


3. When I'm surrounded by people: If it's people I know, I'm chill, relaxed and comfortable. If it's people I don't know, I keep quiet, listen and watch what's going on around me.


4. One thing I hate is: cruelty, bordering on the verge of evil.


5. One thing I really like about myself is: I have a good heart and can be one the nicest people you'll ever meet.


6. When I'm feeling sad: I used to just cry but now, I cry to the Lord and He fixes it.


7. When I daydream it's usually about: whatever. I could be daydreaming about a particular dish, dessert, more babies or a guy.


8. I'm afraid of: failure, not amounting to anything.


9. I'm happiest when: When thin…