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Showing posts from 2009

Regret

It follows me like a shadow. I'm haunted by it, as if by an unsettled spirit that cannot move on.
There's nothing I can do to change the past, though it's been on my mind as of late. I wish I could go back in time, to when I was fourteen, for three weeks and change my life. I would do so many things differently.
Why is it on my mind so much? It's as if I can't escape it. The life I'm living now is the life I will have till I die, so why is it on my mind to go back in time and change things?
What if... That's the question that plagues me. What if... Not much I can do about it now but just move forward, press on and live out the rest of this life. Maybe if I'm allowed to come back in another life, I pray I can remember this life to bypass most of the errors I made in this one.
Regret sucks.

Desperation

Desperation can make an individual do things they never thought they could or would do. Situations can arise that prompt an individual to believe that they need to take extreme measures in order to get past the situation they find themselves in. But this is where faith in God and the stronghold of God comes into play.
I found myself in a financial bind and considered all of my options. I thought about going a certain route which I knew was so out of character for me but as I said, I was desperate. I thought that I could handle the situation and get myself out of it. But as it came time to say my noon prayer, I was thinking about king Hezekiah and how when he faced a stressful situation, he tried to handle it himself and made things worse. He then turned to God and God turned things around for him, making things better for him than they were in the beginning. I too have turned to God and placed it all in His hands. What power do I possess? Some, but not in the vicinity that …

untitled

I saw someone's status update on Facebook that said she was walking on God's promises and i felt what she said. I feel as if God's promises, blessings for my life are manifesting. I used to feel so unworthy of such love from God, because I am a sinner, an imperfect human being. But, He spoke to me and told me that I cannot discount myself. He told me I had worth. He told me that I should walk into His storage house, full of blessings, and take my share. He is God.
I thank you Father for your ever present, ever constant love for me. Thank you my Lord for the forgiveness of my sins and the multitude of blessings you have bestowed on me. May your name be glorified. Forever and ever.
Amen.

Back at it again

What is it about revisiting the past, with someone you once cared for and picking up where you left off? Who knows? But, I'm happy to say that is exactly what has occurred.

I've already given a brief history of how I met this man when I was 15 and he was 19. And that we met up again 17yrs later.

Well, we're back together again and once I'm done with the Nursing program, we'll get married.

I'm still in awe of how I found the love of my life when I was 15yrs old and through the twisting, winding road of life, lost him and found him again.

God is good. Truly.

I'm happy. I can add this to the laundry list of events in my life that have brought me such joy and happiness.

Can we ever go home again?

Not home in the literal sense, but home as in can we ever revisit a past love? Before you shake your head and give an opinion, let me finish. Then you can shake your head and give your opinions. lol.



When I was fifteen years old, I met this wonderful man, who was nineteen at the time. We met through a friend. The first time we spoke on the phone, there was instant chemistry and we were on the phone for hours. After that, all of our phone conversations lasted hours. We spoke on the phone for one year before we actually met. We met when I was sixteen. The first time we saw each other, we didn't talk. I was waiting at the bus stop with like a million of my class mates and dude and his friend came looking for me. I saw him and froze in my spot and refused or couldn't get in the car or even say a word to him. The next time we met, we couldn't keep our hand off of each other. We said hello and then immediately kissed till my lips were sore. We didn't engage in any sexual acti…

Back again

When I first started this blog, I did so with the intent of voicing my random thoughts, no pun intended, or maybe pun intended. This was and is my escape hatch from life, a place to come and vent and air out my thoughts. I've been gone for a considerably long time and alot has happened, more on that later. I'm just glad to be back. There's something tobe said about absence, it does make one's heart grow fonder. I've thought about deleting this blog and just being done with it, but I guess in the back of my mind, I knew I'd be back. Again, glad I'm back. This blog has truly been cathartic for me and I hope it continues to be so.