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Showing posts from June, 2012
Today is my mom's birthday.

I sit back and realize that today she turns 60 years old.  My God.  She has certainly seen her fair share of good and bad and has come out on top.  She is truly an amazing woman and I love her more than even I understand.

I see her as not only my mother and the grandmother to my son, but a woman, a human being.  She is truly spectacular.

She's working on her Master's degree in Nursing and she's just absolutely amazing.

My prayer for her today is that God bless her.  I pray that He avalanche her w/ blessings and I pray that they manifest immediately.

Happy Birthday to my mother.  May God bless her, keep her and continue to shine His face upon her.  In Jesus name.

Amen.

Tit for tat

I was wondering something the other day: relationships are based on mutuality, I know that, but does that mean that for whatever you partner does for you, you do for them?  Should there be some running tally of what you did for them and it should be evened out by them doing for you?  I'm curious.  Truth be told, I'm a huge proponent for that.  I think because I feel I do a lot and I want stuff done for me in return.  
I wonder, really, can there be a true balance in any relationship?  Is it the deal w/ relationships that one person gives more than the other and one person takes more than the other?  I wonder if there will ever really be a sort of level in relationships.  
Like I was telling my love the other day, I never thought I was capable of love.  I mean, I love, but I meant I never thought I could be capable of loving a man, to where it consumes my whole being.  I know that I wanted to love and be loved but wasn't sure I was capable of it.  Aside from my marriage th…

Sticks and Stones...

"Stick and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."  So the saying goes.  What a crock of shit.  Words hurt.  Especially my mother's words.  Her words hurt.  I was absolutely shitty to her when I was much younger and I guess she's getting her own back.  I remember when she would always tell me that she's happy that she has three other children and grateful that I wasn't her only child.  I guess she's forgiven me, cause she let me live w/ her while I get my shit together, but she hasn't forgotten, which I can understand.

But I get tired of it.  I don't hate her but there are moments I certainly don't like her and love to avoid her like the plague.  I recently found out I can take my nursing exam and plan to do just that, get my license, work and get the fuck out of her house.

When we were praying this evening and she was praying about her health, I had a thought, the way I was feeling this evening, if she died, I wouldn't…
I had a thought as I was driving home today, after my prayer group.

I was thinking about a conversation that I'd like to have with my boyfriend.  We're getting close to that point of joining ourselves to one another permanently.  We will eventually get married, have babies and ride off into the sunset together.  But before that, I called him up one day and told him that he and I needed to go out one night or day, and sit and talk.  We need to have THAT conversation.  You know, the one where you sit and spill out all your shit, all your foibles, all the things that you keep secret until after the wedding, like credit scores, spending habits, secret habits, things of that nature.  This conversation should be interesting.  I also thought about another topic we would be talking about, my fear that we'll get bored w/ one another.  I don't think him so much w/ me but I really fear that I'll get bored w/ him.  Why?  Because I'm a very sexual creature, he is too, but…
I just want to scream.  Why?  My mother, that's why.  I will not say something that I will regret and cannot take back so I'll just leave it at that.  I just want to scream, leave the house and be gone for a long time.  I love her to no end but she is just a human being exercising her thoughts and feelings.  (Just keep them to yourself).  I meant it, but I won't go further than that, although I'm so tempted to.  I love her.  I just need to understand where she's coming from.

I thought about going to God and complaining but are there certain things that God won't do anything about, like your mother just not in touch w/ what's going on in your life but thinks she knows everything and bad mouths you and all that?  I don't think in my case God will do anything because I've put her through a lot and so I figure that God is just saying that I'm getting my own back.

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