I had a thought as I was driving home today, after my prayer group.

I was thinking about a conversation that I'd like to have with my boyfriend.  We're getting close to that point of joining ourselves to one another permanently.  We will eventually get married, have babies and ride off into the sunset together.  But before that, I called him up one day and told him that he and I needed to go out one night or day, and sit and talk.  We need to have THAT conversation.  You know, the one where you sit and spill out all your shit, all your foibles, all the things that you keep secret until after the wedding, like credit scores, spending habits, secret habits, things of that nature.  This conversation should be interesting.  I also thought about another topic we would be talking about, my fear that we'll get bored w/ one another.  I don't think him so much w/ me but I really fear that I'll get bored w/ him.  Why?  Because I'm a very sexual creature, he is too, but in the sense that I can be with someone for a long time, but if I'm willing to do all I can to please you sexually and you aren't willing to do the same w/ me, we will have problems and the relationship probably won't last.

I want he and I to talk about that aspect and let him know what my expectations are.  I also want to know what his expectations are of me as well.  I love this man, I've loved this man since I was fifteen years old and I plan on being w/ him for the duration of my life on this earth.  And so, I will do whatever it fucking takes to make this work.

I was, in the past, shitty to him on so many levels and so for us to have another chance at being together, for good this time, you bet for damn sure I will do what's necessary to keep us together, but that doesn't mean that I will put my desires and wants on the back burner.  I love him, more than I can imagine, but I love me more and I'm sure he'd say the same.  We love each other dearly but I don't think our relationship would work if we put our selves on the back burner.

I'm really looking forward to this conversation and what he's going to tell me and what his reaction will be to the things I tell him.  I don't think I've ever been this intimate w/ anyone, not even Munchkin's father, the prick.

Wish me/us luck!


leggy said…
i think conversations are good before marriage, so you enter knowing fully well that you know all there is to know about the situation and are still choosing to do it.
Cleopatra Jones said…
i think it's great that you guys are going to have that conversation - it's super healthy and necessary before marriage. i'm glad you're excited about it - can't wait to hear how it goes!
YankeeNaija said…
@CJ: you and me both. (smile)
Anonymous said…
I don't think setting up a separate date or time to spill the beans on all aspects of your lives you are not comfortable with is the way to go. When you love someone you love them unconditionally meaning whether for better or for worse you will still accept him or her. Not all people are comforbable with spilling the beans about themselves. What if he is unable to open up to you about it? Will you divorce him soon after you've married him and you find out anything he did not disclose? Will you throw away your vows and say you will divorce him? Self disclosure is something that should be made gradually and at the individual's own pace.

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