Showing posts from October, 2012

No Mas!

For those that read my blog or those that know me personally, you have an idea of how I function, sort of.  
Case in point, my debilitating reaction to my feelings toward Oscar.  Well, I'm over it.  I'm over my feelings of longing, feelings of being in love with him.  He is part of my history, but he will not be part of my present and future.
How did I get to this point?
He and I had a conversation a week ago and it gave me so much perspective.  He told me that we were friends.  He said that he should be open to meeting the love of his life and that I should be open to meeting the love of mine.  When he said that, my first instinct was to argue that I had, but I kept quiet.  He then went on to say that he doesn't think it's realistic that a couple w/ an age difference of 20 yrs or more, should be a couple.  He said that the relationship would be unrealistic, especially when it gets down to the end, he'll be on his death bed and the woman/girl would be taking care …
To want to be with someone is not difficult, it's finding that person that proves to be an awesome feat.  Not sure, but I assume we have that one person that our heart wants, more than anyone, but we can never get.  I have mine.  His name is Oscar.

I met Oscar by chance, through my job, and he was so sexy.  My God, he embodied my perception of what the ideal man would be, such strength, confidence, courage, machismo, sensitivity, charisma, someone who lives life on his on terms and makes no apologies because, as he puts it, you only get one shot.

We were drawn to one another, sure.  The attraction and the chemistry was and is amazing.  As he liked to tell me, he wasn't a phone person but we could stay on the phone for hours and it would feel like minutes.  I don't get intimidated easily but he can easily intimidate me.  I look up to him, I aspire to be like him, I try and mimic his philosophies because they make sense.  He out-yodas Yoda.

I stopped talking with Oscar ov…