No Mas!

For those that read my blog or those that know me personally, you have an idea of how I function, sort of.  

Case in point, my debilitating reaction to my feelings toward Oscar.  Well, I'm over it.  I'm over my feelings of longing, feelings of being in love with him.  He is part of my history, but he will not be part of my present and future.

How did I get to this point?

He and I had a conversation a week ago and it gave me so much perspective.  He told me that we were friends.  He said that he should be open to meeting the love of his life and that I should be open to meeting the love of mine.  When he said that, my first instinct was to argue that I had, but I kept quiet.  He then went on to say that he doesn't think it's realistic that a couple w/ an age difference of 20 yrs or more, should be a couple.  He said that the relationship would be unrealistic, especially when it gets down to the end, he'll be on his death bed and the woman/girl would be taking care of him and he said that wouldn't be fair to her.  

I appreciated what he said and how he said it.  

That led me to ponder all he said and I felt liberated, literally.

I got over my "daddy" issues.  NO MORE OLDER MEN!  Well, no men at the moment, but when I'm ready to embark upon a substantial relationship, I will only allow myself to be w/ someone in the age range of 34-42.  

What he said shook me to the core, I'll have to be honest and I really do have to be more realistic.

Comments

activeghman said…
Please permit me to decode your interactions with Oscar from a male's perspective to see if you will find it any helpful. In the first place Oscar subtly communicated from the beginning that he wasn't available and that he just fancied fling with no strings attached. The age gap was only an excuse. The first excuse he used was to make it clear he didn't want any more kids and did not want to get married. He must have felt that this will put you off considering him as a long term partner. Once you got used to the idea of not having any more kids and not getting married just to be with him he had to bring up another excuse hence age gap just to curtail it. If it wasn't the age gap it could have been your family or the job you do or in fact any other excuse he can come up with. This may be because he already has someone but perhaps distance is separating them possibly because she is abroad. The fact that he told you you should be open to meeting the love of your life and he will look for his suggests that he is still open to remarrying but perhaps he is already taken but he cannot articulate it that way. If so then there was nothing you could have done to win his love and committment. It is not a reflection oon you or your attractiveness but its just him. I hope this analysis helps you bring closure to you and oscar.
YankeeNaija said…
Where were you when I needed this analysis months ago? Are you available for weekly sessions?
activeghman said…
Sorry, I only recently just started reading your blog. I could not therefore have offered you any analysis in the past. I just stumbled on this interesting blog by accident. I didn't know it existed. Feel free to ask me anything from a man's perceptive and I am more than willing to give you my analysis. Perhaps I should be an agony uncle.
YankeeNaija said…
perhaps you should. Thank you for the analysis.

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