I've always been of the mind that I have to get to know a guy first, before divulging a lot of info about me, in order to know who he is and know his intentions toward me. The guy I met at the party I went to Saturday seems like a really nice guy. The more I talk to him and get to know him, I find myself ticking off a couple items off my list. You know, the "list." I asked him today what he thought of me and he said I'm interesting, but I'm hiding so he doesn't know me fully yet, but I'm definitely intriguing based on the snippets he's been given. He's physically attracted t me but he's still learning or attempting to learn what makes me tick. I told him that I have to know someone and their intentions before I open myself up to them and he said that he's the opposite. He has to know someone before he knows what his full intentions are toward them. He also said that he knows he likes me and is attracted to me but does that really count? Can he get along with me, can we have a good together, etc. That's what he wants to know and by getting to know each other, we can then see how far we'd be willing to take this interaction. When he finished, I sat for a while to think about all he'd said and have an idea of what to do next.
Life sucks period. I don't know why I would want to continue it but there's this annoying resiliency within me that won't allow me to give up and I'm grateful, I suppose. There's hope in my heart, to see past the negative and focus on the positive. I'm trying. I focus so much on my failings that I don't see my successes. I've decided to see a therapist. One of my co-workers had success with her therapist so I asked her to give me her therapist's number. I need to unlock whatever it is within me that causing all of this. I want to be whole. I want to be better. Not jagged pieces with no purpose.