This past Saturday, God spoke to me and told me I need to let go of the anger. I honestly didn't believe it, at first. Me? Angry? At what? At who? But then, as the day progressed, I really thought about it and on Sunday, it came to me. As you know, I was married five years ago for two years. Even till Sunday, I could never bring myself to call my ex husband that, my ex husband. I always called him Munchkin's dad. And so, I decided I have to let go of the anger, in order to make room for love to come in. Since he and I don't speak, I decided to write an open letter, to say what I need to say.
I forgive you. And ask that you forgive me. For a long time I hated you and thought that I felt nothing where you were concerned. But it was not true. I was hurt from all the vile and cruel things you said about me and did to me, after our marriage dissolved. I just put them aside, thinking I had dealt with them when in actuality, they were just below the surface. I allowed my hatred and anger to cloud my eyes where you were. I thought I was good at hiding it, but if Munchkin could see it, then I wasn't doing a very good job. And so, I'm letting it all go. All the hurt caused by you and me and all the hate. I no longer hate you. For the longest time, I couldn't bring myself to say your name or even look at your face when we did our exchanges with Munchkin. When he would go to your car, I wouldn't even look at you and the same for when he came to mine. But for the first time in a long time yesterday, I saw your face. I didn't know what I was expecting to see, but all I saw was a man. You're just a man. Just a human being. And like me, not perfect. I'm not making excuses for you, but by letting all the anger go, I no longer feel like I have to have my defenses up, ready to do battle. There's no more battle. Even though you're still a prick, I'm done being mad at you.