Open Letter

This past Saturday, God spoke to me and told me I need to let go of the anger.  I honestly didn't believe it, at first.  Me?  Angry?  At what?  At who?  But then, as the day progressed, I really thought about it and on Sunday, it came to me.  As you know, I was married five years ago for two years.  Even till Sunday, I could never bring myself to call my ex husband that, my ex husband.  I always called him Munchkin's dad.  And so, I decided I have to let go of the anger, in order to make room for love to come in.  Since he and I don't speak, I decided to write an open letter, to say what I need to say.

Dear Uzoma,

I forgive you.  And ask that you forgive me.  For a long time I hated you and thought that I felt nothing where you were concerned.  But it was not true.  I was hurt from all the vile and cruel things you said about me and did to me, after our marriage dissolved.  I just put them aside, thinking I had dealt with them when in actuality, they were just below the surface.  I allowed my hatred and anger to cloud my eyes where you were.  I thought I was good at hiding it, but if Munchkin could see it, then I wasn't doing a very good job.  And so, I'm letting it all go.  All the hurt caused by you and me and all the hate.  I no longer hate you.  For the longest time, I couldn't bring myself to say your name or even look at your face when we did our exchanges with Munchkin.  When he would go to your car, I wouldn't even look at you and the same for when he came to mine.  But for the first time in a long time yesterday, I saw your face.  I didn't know what I was expecting to see, but all I saw was a man.  You're just a man.  Just a human being.  And like me, not perfect.  I'm not making excuses for you, but by letting all the anger go, I no longer feel like I have to have my defenses up, ready to do battle.  There's no more battle.   Even though you're still a prick, I'm done being mad at you.

Comments

Sugarking said…
*Thunderous applause!!!!!!!!!*

Great start dear!!! Good work!
Young Grumbler said…
You are well on your way, forgiving him and yourself means you've taken your power back...well done!
T.Notes said…
Bravo Girl*Bravo*
Healing's day by day, step by step, but u'll certainly get there.
*hugs*
musco said…
Great step in the right direction but ....

*bigger hugs* lol
Naijalines said…
Way to go girl!
When they realise that they no longer matter, that's when it's truly over.
YankeeNaija said…
Thank you guys so much for the love. You guys rock. It's amazing how when you let go of all the anger, you notice immediate changes in your perception of people and pretty much everything around you. For me, it's a step by step, day by day process and I pray everyday that I don't let the anger back in. It stifles you so much and you're completely unaware. God is good!

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