I was so bored, to no end, yesterday. Oy! To alleviate my boredom, I even resorted to cleaning out my closet, getting ride of items I know I won't be wearing anytime soon or ever again. School resumes next month, I'm probably getting antsy cause I'm itching to be productive again. Who knows. But it's so weird. I went to bed really late last night and woke up relatively early and I've been up since. I'm contemplating sharing the dream I had last night. It was pretty weird, really bizarre actually. In the dream, I have two lovely friends. We do everything together. Something happened where we were accused of a crime, don't really remember what it was, but it was pretty bad. So bad in fact that we were wanted by the police. We had decided to make a run for it because we were given some sort of insight into what was to befall us. We saw where we were taken into custody and were imprisoned for the duration of our lives. I ran home, packed my things and my son's things and were getting ready to leave the house when I saw sirens everywhere. The police had apprehend my two friends and were coming for me. Somehow, my son and I made it out of the house, unnoticed and were in hiding. Both my friends also somehow managed to escape. One of my friends has a friend, sort of her manager, that she trusts implicitly and who also is in love with her. We rendezvous at a designated meeting point. When I get there, there are two other people there, both men. One of the men is the guy I really liked when I was in Nigeria. (He and I don't really speak now, even after we reconnected a couple years back. So why he's in my dream, I have no idea.) After I get there, one of my two friends arrives, then the last friend, with her manager. He tells us the plan is for the six adults and my son to go to Canada by bus. We ask him how that's possible considering we're wanted criminals and he shows us forged documents he procured for us. We all get on the bus. My dream ends with us living in this large, rambling house in this idyllic sight. So weird.
Life sucks period. I don't know why I would want to continue it but there's this annoying resiliency within me that won't allow me to give up and I'm grateful, I suppose. There's hope in my heart, to see past the negative and focus on the positive. I'm trying. I focus so much on my failings that I don't see my successes. I've decided to see a therapist. One of my co-workers had success with her therapist so I asked her to give me her therapist's number. I need to unlock whatever it is within me that causing all of this. I want to be whole. I want to be better. Not jagged pieces with no purpose.