Today being Sunday, I just wanted to share the happiness I feel today, basking in the love of God. Lately, I felt a sort of disconnect with God, felt I was veering off the path He had for me, but unlike before, where I would wallow in the muck and mire of sin, this time, I fought against the tides of temptation and the desires of this world and prayed for God to help me find my way back to Him and for His guidance. Today, my prayer was answered because I feel this overwhelming sense of love, this wave of love, from Him, has washed over me and I am so grateful. I listen to the radio, 102.3 KJLH, on Sundays cause they play sermons from different churches, AME churches, throughout Los Angeles, and one particular preacher touched on something that spoke to me. He talked about how no other person can dictate the kind of person we are meant to be. No one has the authority to say that we are one way when God created us to be another. He spoke about how God knew us before we ever existed. How God had our whole story written, from beginning to end. I kept pondering this idea and asked God to please help me follow His plan for my life. I asked Him for the guidance and spirit to live the life He had intended for me to live and not editing it in any way. I asked that He help me not omit or add anything that He did not intend for me. Today is a special day because I've been given another chance, by God, to renew with Him the plan we had established. Like Donnie McClurkin sings, "We fall down, but we get up, for a saint is just a sinner who fell down and got up." I fell, and instead of staying down, I'm fighting to get back up and God has given me that chance to get back up. I praise Him and glorify His name, forever and ever. Amen.
Life sucks period. I don't know why I would want to continue it but there's this annoying resiliency within me that won't allow me to give up and I'm grateful, I suppose. There's hope in my heart, to see past the negative and focus on the positive. I'm trying. I focus so much on my failings that I don't see my successes. I've decided to see a therapist. One of my co-workers had success with her therapist so I asked her to give me her therapist's number. I need to unlock whatever it is within me that causing all of this. I want to be whole. I want to be better. Not jagged pieces with no purpose.