Open Letter

This past Saturday, God spoke to me and told me I need to let go of the anger.  I honestly didn't believe it, at first.  Me?  Angry?  At what?  At who?  But then, as the day progressed, I really thought about it and on Sunday, it came to me.  As you know, I was married five years ago for two years.  Even till Sunday, I could never bring myself to call my ex husband that, my ex husband.  I always called him Munchkin's dad.  And so, I decided I have to let go of the anger, in order to make room for love to come in.  Since he and I don't speak, I decided to write an open letter, to say what I need to say.

Dear Uzoma,

I forgive you.  And ask that you forgive me.  For a long time I hated you and thought that I felt nothing where you were concerned.  But it was not true.  I was hurt from all the vile and cruel things you said about me and did to me, after our marriage dissolved.  I just put them aside, thinking I had dealt with them when in actuality, they were just below the surface.  I allowed my hatred and anger to cloud my eyes where you were.  I thought I was good at hiding it, but if Munchkin could see it, then I wasn't doing a very good job.  And so, I'm letting it all go.  All the hurt caused by you and me and all the hate.  I no longer hate you.  For the longest time, I couldn't bring myself to say your name or even look at your face when we did our exchanges with Munchkin.  When he would go to your car, I wouldn't even look at you and the same for when he came to mine.  But for the first time in a long time yesterday, I saw your face.  I didn't know what I was expecting to see, but all I saw was a man.  You're just a man.  Just a human being.  And like me, not perfect.  I'm not making excuses for you, but by letting all the anger go, I no longer feel like I have to have my defenses up, ready to do battle.  There's no more battle.   Even though you're still a prick, I'm done being mad at you.