I'm at work and taking a quick break to post this. I came out of the bathroom some minutes ago. Our work bathroom is pristine, even on a weekend. I had to pee so badly and so I rushed into the loo. Lo and behold, the stench that awaited me was unlike anything my nose had ever beheld. There are three stalls and the smell was strongest in the first stall. I moved to the second and the smell wafted into the second and when I tried going into the third and final stall, it was too strong. I bailed out of the ladies bathroom and ran into the men's bathroom. Luckily it's the wknd and there are no men around so I was able to use the bathroom. But it got me to think about the smell I encountered in the women's bathroom. It wasn't the smell from someone having a bowel movement, but the smell from a woman's vagina. Now, as a woman, I know that we have our natural smell. But this smell was far beyond even my own comprehension. It was FOUL! I have the pleasure of receiving oral sex from my current guy and I was wondering the poor guy who has to be in the company of the owner of such a strong and pronounced odor. My God. I can't even imagine. You know, let's not even go the sex route. Just imagine having to be in the company of that individual, with them fully clothed. How do you comport yourself when you know that that individual has this foul stench emanating from their nether regions? I'm usually outspoken, but I think that in this instance, I'd keep my mouth shut, just because I wouldn't know what to say. I don't think I'd have the tact necessary to point out to the individual that they need a serious overhaul in their cleaning ritual that would include they pay closer attention to washing old girl.
Life sucks period. I don't know why I would want to continue it but there's this annoying resiliency within me that won't allow me to give up and I'm grateful, I suppose. There's hope in my heart, to see past the negative and focus on the positive. I'm trying. I focus so much on my failings that I don't see my successes. I've decided to see a therapist. One of my co-workers had success with her therapist so I asked her to give me her therapist's number. I need to unlock whatever it is within me that causing all of this. I want to be whole. I want to be better. Not jagged pieces with no purpose.