Frustrated as fuck and I'm not angry

I've been told that I have anger issues and I'll be the first to admit that I do.  I get peeved easily.  But I'm praying about it and I know that God can destroy it.

What am I frustrated about?  My life, in general.  I'm so off track right now.  I really don't know where to go.  I just turned 35 on November 8th and I'm lost.  I was on track, had everything mapped out: graduate in 2011 June, take the NCLEX, get a job, meet someone in 2011, get married in 2012, get pregnant, have a baby by 2013 or 2014.  Now, I'm stuck.  Visually, I feel like I'm in the middle of this blank white page, and there's nothing in front of me, behind, or on either side of me.  I feel like as I move forward, I'm just just seeing white and not sure if I should continue to move forward because I don't see any landmarks or visuals of land before me.  I know it's worry talking.  I sit here and ponder the fact that I don't know what I'm going to do if I can't get into another Nursing program.  That's not true.  I know I will get into another Nursing program, it's just a matter of when.  Nursing schools out here have waiting lists that are anywhere from 1 to 2 yrs, so you understand my frustration and my dilemma.  I'm already 35 fucking years old and if I have to wait another year, that'll be 36 or another 2 yrs, that's 37 and you're not even counting the two years it takes to complete a Nursing program, so 38 or 39.  So, now factor in the fact that I'd like to get married again and have a baby or babies.

Where did the time go?  In my youth, I didn't give a shit about what the future held.  I thought I could do whatever the fuck I wanted to do and didn't think about the repercussions.  I swear, if I could go back in time, I'd snatch my young self and beat the shit out of her, the dumb bitch.  What the fuck was she thinking, fucking around the with the earlier half and leaving me the rest of this shit to handle?

(just know that I'm not angry, I find this ranting quite amusing.  I feel like I'm an observer and listening to this woman go on about her issues and all I can do is empathize and wish her the best and hope she can figure things out).

Comments

Ehmm,your ranting is kinda hilarious...albeit realistically sobering too.Hey,what the heck,in the end, things work out fine. You know that,i know that!So...go grab a mcdonalds smoothie or sumthing!
musco said…
I hope you feel much better now? Letting it all out helps a lot!

Besides, when will you come out of hiding?
YankeeNaija said…
TY TN

Musco: Not sure I'm ready to come out of hiding yet. Still so terribly embarrassed.
One of my exams might not have rocked so hard. Smacks! But hey what the heck, we pick up and keep moving. Get off ur gloom horse jor!
YankeeNaija said…
yes sir. I'm officially off my gloom horse. I'm am going out there and taking on the world!

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