Am I shallow because I prefer to be thin and not fat?  I've been on a mission to be thin since July of this year.  I have a love hate relationship w/ my weight.  I've lost 23lbs so far, gained about 4 back, on a mission to shed 20 more lbs.  I think the love hate relationship is w/ food.  I love food, but sometimes use it as a crutch when I'm feeling emotionally perplexed.

I have this phobia of fat.  I seriously hope I'm not offending anyone, but I do.  I refuse to date a fat man.  There is nothing sexy about seeing all that flesh over pants, not to even mention when the clothes come off and that body has to lie on top of me?  Gives me the heebee jeebees thinking about it.

I hadn't bought new clothes in a long time because when I gained the 40 lbs I'd gained cause I was depresseds, I refused to buy bigger clothes.  I did make one concession:  for the party I went to where I met CG, I bought a dress, a size 14 dress.  It was a pretty dress.  My mom insisted I buy something for the party, I refused but when she insisted on paying for it, I readily agreed.  But after the party, I promptly took it back.  I refused to have a size 14 anything in my closet because I was on a mission to lose the weight.

After I lost my first 23lbs, I bought a dress, a size 10.  That was probably my proudest moment in a  long time.  I brought w/ me into the dressing room a 10 and a 12.  I tried the 12 on first, because I knew, in my mine, that I wasn't at a 10 yet.  The 12 felt kind of big so I tried on the 10 and it fit perfectly.

My goal is to fit my clothes that are in my closet.  I miss my clothes, my jeans especially.  And w/ this new job, I now have money again that I use to shop but I'm holding off on buying anything because I'm not at my goal of size 8.  Go figure.

God is good.  If not for Him really, I don't think I would've lost the weight.  Like I said, I still have 20 more lbs to go and by His grace, I'll lose that too.

Comments

doll said…
all the best with the weight loss
T.Notes said…
Put up the picture where u wear the new jeans n check out the rear view!We'd give honest appraisals!lol!
Good briefly hearing from u...after a century tho!
Cheers Girl
Naijalines said…
Do you. That's what puts a smile on your face.

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