I understand

Call it what you will: maturity, getting older, etc, but there's something that happens when you get to a certain level of understanding, a certain age.  When I was younger, I felt the world revolved around me.  Well, didn't it? lol.  I took no notice of anything else or anyone else for that matter but me.  My only concerns were of my wants, needs, etc.  If put in a situation where someone couldn't bend to my wishes, I took it personally, as an affront towards me.  But now, I find myself constantly saying, "I understand", because I actually do.  It's just odd and I hope I'm making sense.  Take my desire for my bff.  I've come to terms that I love this man beyond anything I can imagine but the practical side has won out over the emotional side.  The younger or rather immature me (cause maturity is not a sign of age, but wisdom, lol) would have thrown all caution to the wind and professed my feelings to him and let the chips fall where they may.  In my mind, the scenario would be that he would share with me similar feelings and we would be instant.  lol.  When we talk, I find myself having to restrain myself in order not to let out the BIG SECRET.  It's hard, I won't lie, but it must be done.  Why?  Because, maturity has allowed me to see that the world DOES NOT revolve around me and that there are various factors to every situation.  Why all this?  I was watching a movie where a young girl falls in love and the guy explains to her that he's not ready.  She was heart broken, I understood.  Wow.  Maturity.

Comments

T.Notes said…
Lol,i understand too!!!Tho maybe not with your own sorta depth/conviction!Me,woulda blurted it out long ago n now be regretting the stupidity of my decision!
July 30, 2010 at 1:41 AM
musco said…
Who exactly is this guy?

Everybody seems to be coming up with posts that makes me want to ask questions ...
July 30, 2010 at 3:10 AM
T.Notes said…
Muscooooooooooo,mind ya own!!!lol!!!
July 30, 2010 at 5:29 AM
YankeeNaija said…
@ Musco: ask questions, really, you? lol. May I remind you kind sir about a couple posts you yourself put up about a certain blog crush that had us all clammering to find out who she is. lol. Hello pot, may i introduce to the kettle. lol

@TN: LOL.
July 30, 2010 at 10:33 AM
Myne said…
Maturity is a good thing but for some of us it doesn't come when we need it most. But I thank God that it will usually come to all of us. Thanks for sharing this.
July 30, 2010 at 10:51 AM
YankeeNaija said…
@ Myne: I wonder too why it doesn't come when we need it but after the fact, then we use our experiences as a way to bypass past failures. dang. too much trouble.
August 2, 2010 at 5:05 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Today is my off day from both work and school and i pretty much stayed up all night, watching tv and now blogging.  I'm a bag of mixed emotions because of the mayhem going on in my mother's house and the fact that i'm back w/ my ex boyfriend, I'm very happy about that.  CG is totally out of the picture, the twat, but for the most part, I'm doing ok.  I have God on my side.  Truly, psalm 27 is really coming in handy during these trying times.  V10: my mother and father may abandon me but the Lord will take care of me.  I love the Lord and He has truly heard my cry.  God is good. CG Well, last Saturday, i drove CG to the airport before going into work.  I'd already been having my misgivings about him but I just shook them off.  So, Saturday night he lands in NY.  He first sent me a text to let me know he'd gotten there safely earlier in the day.  He later called me to chat but my sister, cousin and i were driving to a party and were using my phone as our na
Read more

putting myself in the crosshairs

I revealed to my mom yesterday that her boyfriend has touched me inappropriately by grabbing my ass and has said inappropriate things to me.  She told me that she's been wanting something, leverage I guess, to finally leave him.  She believes me, which is good, but wants to set a trap for him, to give her that extra push to leave him.  Now, I've avoided this man at all costs, even staying in my room all day, especially when he's around and planning my escape routes should he come into the same room I'm in.  My mom wants me to go about my usual routine and that if he does it again, tell him that he should stop and that I'll make her aware of it, and she'll take it from there.  When I spoke w/ my sister and told her my mom's plan, she totally agreed w/ my mom, saying it was the logical thing to do. I greatly disagree! I feel violated by this man and to ask me to put myself in a situation and allow him to touch me again, just so you can have the guts to le
Read more

Setting my heart free

I'm going through a divorce and ending a marriage that lasted two years. Two long, hard and hurtful years. I married a monster, an evil man. When I say evil, I mean evil like when we were kids and we had to have on night lights because we were afraid of the boogeyman. That kind of evil. A man free of any sort of remorse. A man with no conscience. More on this character later. Trust me, I will totally spill the beans but things have to be in place first. Anyway, when my marriage first ended, I was of the mind that I was free and I could move on and find the one for me, the one to truly love me the way I'd always known I'd be loved, my soulmate. Needless to say, I'm still single. Sure there are men out there who are interested but the problem is, I'm not. I'm afraid. I'm afraid of giving away my heart. I'm afraid of trusting someone so completely and utterly. I'm afraid of being myself. With my soon to be ex-husband, I trusted him impli
Read more