I freaked out today. Why? I realized I have a crush on someone I don't even know, someone I've never met, who I'll never meet. How bizarre. I finally had to admit it today that I liked him from the moment I read his words. He intrigued me and the more I read his stuff, the more I liked what I read and the more curious I was about the person behind the words. He writes like I talk. Through his words, I see him as charming, witty, intelligent, self deprecating, sincere, wildly funny, I can't seem to find any more adjectives to describe him. Today, I came to terms with the fact that I'm attracted to him, someone I don't really know, someone I'll never really know. I started reading his archival pieces and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I stopped midway through his second archival piece because the feeling of like was too overwhelming. I haven't been to his blog since. I'll go back and finish reading so that I can be up to date with his current stuff, but I just needed to come to terms with my feelings and figure out what to do with them. In the past, I'd make it a point to flirt incessantly and indirectly let him know that I liked him, but now, I don't do such things. I've undergone a transformation and I like it. I'm still getting used to the new me and I want this new me to stay. But back to the bloke I have the hots for, yeah, like I said, that's not going anywhere and I'm fine with that, but it's nice to know that I can have those feelings and not lose myself over it.
Life sucks period. I don't know why I would want to continue it but there's this annoying resiliency within me that won't allow me to give up and I'm grateful, I suppose. There's hope in my heart, to see past the negative and focus on the positive. I'm trying. I focus so much on my failings that I don't see my successes. I've decided to see a therapist. One of my co-workers had success with her therapist so I asked her to give me her therapist's number. I need to unlock whatever it is within me that causing all of this. I want to be whole. I want to be better. Not jagged pieces with no purpose.
Comments
LOL!
@T.Notes- 4rm d very 1st day I read your blog, I just knew thr's was going to be trouble on blogville!
where's dt ur wife's no sef?
LOL!
Whassa problem mehn,stalking me all over the place?~!FYI,this is private discussion-YankeeNaija n T.notes only--follow the trail!
Yay,where were we?!
LOL!
'Tis much easier to know people through their words.....