Silver and Gold?

Which is better, being pampered with material goods or pampered with tenderness and kindness? I thought of this when I was talking about character in my last post. Which would make me happiest? A man with money, who can spoil me, give me all I want and nothing else? or a man, without money, who takes care of me? At this point, I'd take the latter. I had the former.

I was married to a guy who had money, who bought me cars, jewels, gave me pretty much whatever I wanted, but was a cruel son of a bitch. He reached levels of cruelty I never knew existed. Even as we were divorcing, he butchered my name in the Nigerian community and painted me as this vile person. Even people who knew my family since we were little, some who even went to school with my mom, were looking at me askance. The bastard even tried to take my kid from me, but the Lord gave me victory and allowed me to prevail. So yeah, I've had the money and all that, but I'd rather have a man who doesn't have a whole lot of material wealth, but has goals and is doing what he needs to do to meet those goals, who lavishes me with love, tenderness, respect, and peace. That I find more valuable than silver and gold.

I won't say I was a gold digger, but I wanted a particular life and knew I didn't want to settle for less. My son's father, (I can't even bear to call him my ex husband) was well connected here in America and had connections in Nigeria. He was friends with powerful people and I found that exciting. He was powerful, charming, so engaging, a total extrovert. He was the complete opposite of me. Rarely did I go out. I pretty much was a homebody. But after meeting him, he took me to places I'd never been to. We went shopping on Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills. We ate at the best restaurants in L.A. He drove ridiculous cars (Bentleys, BMWs, Jaguars). I was completely swept off my feet. Like I said, he was a total charmer.

I wondered why he would be interested in someone like me. I was a wall flower, shy, quiet. He could've had his pick of so many women, but he chose me. I was flattered and totally impressed by him. In hindsight, there were red flags, like he had a temper, but I overlooked that because he never displayed that behaviour towards me. He was generous to a fault. Our engagement happened so quickly. We were engaged a month after we started dating. We first spoke July 30th, started dating August 26th or 27th, were engaged in September. We did our wine carrying on Jan 3rd of the following year and had a big blow out white wedding in Nov. It was truly a whirlwind. I enjoyed it all, till the facade came crashing down. He started to abuse me verbally, questioning my intelligence. I'm pretty smart, not to toot my own horn, but I'm well read. When we'd have conversations, I'd use big words and he would ask me if I knew what the word meant. I'd tell him, yes, I knew. I wouldn't use it if I didn't know. It went on from there to physical abuse. After two years of marriage, I left. I left our mini mansion and moved into a studio apartment in Korea town. Huge difference let me tell you (lol). I filed for divorce and that was five years ago.

Right now, if I were given the option of money or respect, I'd choose respect. If I were given the option of wealth or peace, I'd choose peace. Money doesn't buy respect nor does it buy peace. It's unfortunate I had to learn the hard way, but I'm glad I learned. So now, what I look for in a person isn't what they can give me, materially, but what they possess in character. That has more value than silver and gold.

Comments

musco said…
dis is absolutely deep!I'm sure it will be soothing to pour it all out here... dn't really knw wt to say bt blogsville got ur back anytime anyday!
YankeeNaija said…
@ Musco: you rock!
leggy said…
i want it all, the money and the kindness.i personally, dont think you have to choose.
YankeeNaija said…
@Leggy: Not saying you'll have to choose. There is the option of having it all, but I'm just speaking from my own experience. I wish you luck and hope you get it all.
Berean Girl said…
Thank you for writing this as someone who has been there. As a single person, it is so easy to get carried away by the facade of it all. Your story truly touched me... And if push comes to shove, respect over being materialistic. I'm certainly gonna share this.
rethots said…
Hmmm, tis funny but, actually 'reread' this with reverence.....

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