My sister and I were supposed to go to a party tonight. When she first told me about it, about a week ago, I was gung ho! about it. Then a couple days ago, I decided I really didn't want to go. Sure, I love the opportunity to get dressed up and do my hair, slather on my makeup and accessorize till the cows come home, but for whatever reason, I just wasn't feeling it. I guess it's cause the person throwing the party or the venue of the party wasn't that exciting or maybe, my reasons for going to parties is no longer valid. In the past, I would go to parties to get noticed by some lovely bloke and have someone to be with, preferably someone nice. But coming to the realization that I haven't really found quality men, for a while now, the thrill of going out is fizzling. I went to a wake keeping with my mom last Saturday and it was interesting. I was holed up in a corner, playing KA-GLOM on my blackberry. How fun! My mom had a better time than me. lol. But, yeah, I'm over it. I'm over seeing the same ole guys and hearing the same ole spiel. I mentioned not meeting quality men for a while and it's true. The last quality guy I met was in 2000. Such a lovely fellow and not my son's father. This guy was just a lovely soul. He's 6'4, lean, light. His body is better than the statue of David. I mean, damn, this dude was an Adonis. Why are we not together? I fucked up. I was a total B-I-T-C-H with all my stoopid (yes, i spelled stupid stoopid) drama. Even despite all my trouble, he put up with me. He would get off work late and come to my house every night, just to see how I was doing and mind you, I was living at home at the time. He would be so exhausted, I'd beg him to sleep on the couch, even my mom would beg him, but he'd decline and drive home. He just wanted to see me, me!, before he went home. So, yeah, haven't met a quality dude in ten years. How sad. But the upside is that I've finally come to terms that just because a guy pays me attention, doesn't mean that I should just swoon and give in to him. HELL NO! So, yeah, unless it's the party of the century, where I'm guaranteed that they'll play music that will keep me on the dance floor all night and I will have the time of my life, I'm not going.