I don't

My list of I don'ts:

1. I don't know how to ride a bike. Why? I never owned one. I'm 34 years old and I've never owned a bike. Munchkin, who's quite proficient at riding his bike, even does stunts on his bike, placates me and tells me that I'd better get a bike soon and when I do get one, he'll teach me how to ride one. (my head hangs in shame)

2. I don't know how to swim. Why? When I tried to learn, I almost drowned so I figured it just wasn't meant to be. lol. I'll wade in the water, but attempt to swim? Nope.

3. I don't drink. Why? I have no tolerance. I take a sip and my head swims. My former co-workers and I, a bunch of lovely people, predominantly white, went to World on Wheels to roller skate. For whatever reason they decided to go to the bar first, before roller skating. I had a Midori Sour. In a really large glass. I didn't ask for it to be in that glass, that's how they gave it to me. I drank it, I complained it was sour and was told I have to mix it. I did. I took another sip. Took two more sips and everything started getting hazy, really fuzzy. There was a guy I'd had a mad crush on since I started working for that company and I started flirting with him. That is why I don't drink.

4. I don't know how to roller skate. Why? Because when I tried to the first sixty times, I fell every single time and just refused to bother. Then why would I go roller skating with my co-workers? Because we were really close friends and we hung out once a week, away from work, and it was one of the things that we'd decided to do.

5. I don't smoke. Why? It stinks and it's a nasty habit. I won't lie and say I haven't tried it, I have. I've smoked cigars, with my son's father and cigarettes, when I was about 19. The reason why it never took off, the cigarettes, was because when my uncle found out I was smoking or had attempted to smoke, he made me smoke in front of him, "to make sure I was doing it right", he said. After I demonstrated my technique, he told me I should stop because I didn't do it right and he didn't want me to embarrass myself in public. lol. What a smart man.

6. I don't do drugs, of any kind. Why? Too terrified of losing control. When I was a kid, every week, we'd have a police officer come to our class and school us on the evils of drugs, as part of the D.A.R.E program. I can even remember his name, Officer Honey. lol. We used to make fun of his name, obviously not in his presence. When the day came for him to pay us a visit, Wednesday, we'd all say, "Officer Honey", real sweet, like a woman would say a man's name, real sexy like. We were in the 6th grade, what did you expect? lmao.

7. I don't have anymore I don'ts. Why? Cause I've pretty much done it all. lmao. Tootles.


musco said…
d drinking part sounds familiar ... d very 1st time in Uni when I drank beer, just a glass of beer o ... I said rubbish till I fell asleep.

all d others ..... I can totally relate!

Thanks for stopping by mine. Unfortunately, I didn't keep a copy of the post. Regretting nw! lol!
chinnyugoji said…
Goodness! we're almost identical twins! lol!!! Nice site, nice post...
Sisi Yemmie said…
lol...You dont do almost everything i dont do...im trying to learn d art of swimming but ive given up....lol
leggy said…
you dont do everything i dont do.i dont drink, cant swim, cant ride a biko, dont do drugs, cant rollerskate and im just 18.
YankeeNaija said…
@ Musco: I've become a fan so I'll be checking out yours often and I read the Monologues I. It was good. Unfortunately it went past my head till I read the comments (lol). My excuse is that it was after 3am and i'm sticking to it.

@ Chinny: lol. Thanks and I'll be checking yours out shortly.

@Sisi: swimming is overrated. lol. Unless I'm planning on going on a cruise or to a locale that is surrounded by water, I'm not in any rush to learn.

@leggy: You're too cute. lol.
T.Notes said…
Aww come-on YN!

1.Now that you mention it,i do miss bike riding.Somehow the exhiliration of pumping those pedals really fast doesnt wane with age.
2.Well i think i can still move 5meters-better than u!
3.In that case,remind me to invite you to a bar if u ever happen to become "one of the bloggers i've met for real".3glasses on u n let the fun begin.
5.Hi-5 your uncle,he sounds pretty neat!
6.Ooooh ok,now lets discus the other things you've gotten up to!
YankeeNaija said…
@ Tnotes: you're incorrigible. lol.
rethots said…
Eventually, we all don't do something(s)....

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