Day 2

It's 6:17pm, in Ca and I'm in my room.

Just finished an online session for the NCLEX review class I signed up for, which honestly I wish I'd known about months ago, but I digress.

I'm in my room right now and refuse to go downstairs, more specifically the refrigerator.

Today I ate 3 containers of Dannon Light and Fit Greek yogurt, vanilla flavour and about 4-6 cups of grapes.  Total points value: 15.  I'm assigned 37 points a day with WW but today, I've only used 15.  I know they don't count fruit, but I did.  That's all I've had so far and I haven't had any water, which is sort of disturbing, but I'll fix that.

Am I hungry right now?  No.  My issue was and probably always will be mindless eating.

For me, food is a drug and, I know I can never compare myself to a drug addict and claim to know how they feel, I can only speak of my experiences.

As I was saying, food is my drug.  So much so, that I actually went to an Overeaters Anonymous meeting.  I probably would have gone back but there were just 4 of us and they were all considerably older than me, try 20-30 yrs older.

It used to be a day to day battle not gorging everything in sight.  Even today, I had the desire to stop at a grocery store and buy nonsense to eat, but I really thought about it and realized it would be pointless, so I didn't.

I pray that the days going forward will be that easy.

It scares me sometimes that I wasn't really able to have control over how I ate or the quantities I used to eat, but I mean it this time, this is my last chance.  I don't want to die young, with clogged arteries or other issues that may occur with my organs.  I don't want to miss out on doing more active things w/ my Munchkin.  I don't want to miss out on having a future w/ my husband.  I want to have more children and not be worried about not being able to regain my figure.

And I'll say it again, I miss wearing the cute clothes I used to be able to wear.  Yesterday, I talked about how I missed wearing dresses, today, I miss wearing trousers, proper trousers and even my denim trousers.  I miss all that and it's worth fighting the terrible disease called food addiction.

Prayer helps, keeping up w/ this blog helps and the fact that my mama is now on my ass about getting back in shape helps.  If not for anything, not having to hear her chirp on about how I'm the biggest she's ever seen me, which is probably true.  I just don't want to hear it so I'm on it.

I didn't work out today but at some point I have to incorporate it into my new lifestyle.  Good grief, new lifestyle, new mindset, new everything.  God help me.  God help me indeed.


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