My (random) thoughts

My boyfriend has this theory that each of us has thousands and thousands of heart strings and they get broken now and again for different reasons. He says, some are to be expected whether it be through disappointment or things of that nature, unintentional snapping of the strings. Those are not fatal and will not hurt you too much. But, there are those things, situations, events, occurrences that when they break your heart strings, depending on how many strings are broken, can hurt and take a while to recover. Our conversation about said heart strings revolved around a male/female relationship (i.e. marriage, boyfriend/girlfriend). He stated that the person that you're with will break some heart strings, unintentionally. But, when they intentionally break your heart strings, they have a certain number of chances before you cut them loose. That brings me FINALLY to the intention of this blog and it's a question, but first, let me prepare the scenario: My love and I were having ...

I'm listening to the song from P-square "No one be like you" and I'm thinking about my love, yes you heard right, my love. We've been together for six weeks now and are madly in love with one another. Who would've guessed, right? That's what led to this blog. Prior to this relationship, I was involved with a good man, but we weren't a couple. We were friends, good friends, but nonetheless, friends with benefits. It felt like a relationship, tasted like a relationship but it wasn't. We were REALLY good friends who enjoyed each other and each other's company but we didn't make THAT commitment. In that scenario, I knew that something was lacking. I knew that it wasn't whole. It wasn't complete. But, being with my baby, it feels whole, complete. I guess the previous relationship suited my needs because I don't think I was ready to make that level of commitment to anyone, I wasn't healed. But God brought this wonderful...

The previous blog in which I finally exorcised myself of the past has infact allowed me to move on. I've moved on and that portion is now a closed case, never to be revisisted again. I'm definitely glad for it and I'm happy. I'm free. Funny how release is a gift we sometimes forget to give ourselves. Again I'll say it, I'm free. On another note, I'm in a relationship. Yes, a relationship. I'm dating a GOOD MAN. Yes class say it with me, a GOOD MAN. I have to pinch myself everyday because the characteristics of this man are all I've wanted. Premature, maybe, but it just FEELS right. It feels as it should feel. It's like the breeze, easy and free. He makes me laugh, and oh, how I laugh and the best part, I make him laugh, although he'll claim it's the side effects of the medication he's being weaned off of (he's not on any medication). I was so busy looking for what I thought I had to have (tall, lean Nigerian brotha) w...

I need to get something off my chest: I carry a torch for a man who encompasses what I want in the ideal man. Funny thing is, there is no ideal right? I know that but I still think he's peachy keen. Anyway, I need to vomit all I've been feeling, that way, I can FINALLY get over dude. Let me start at the beginning... I lived in Nigeria from 95-98. I lived with my favorite uncle, who is like a second dad to me, but I digress. In 1995, I was 19 years old, fat and completely isolated myself from people my age. About a year later, I lost all the weight and became a social butterfly, of sorts, thanks to my uncle who pushed me to get to know the kids my age in my hood. One of my neighbors, who I'll call David, cause he looked like Craig David and I became friends. I had such a mad crush on him. I thought he was the bee's knees, the real cat's meow. The feeling was mutual. It started out innocently enough but the attraction grew and one thing led to another and we became in...

God does indeed have a great sense of humor. How do I know? I just do. What brings me to this conclusion is the fact that, until recently, I have not have had any desires to get involved with ANY man for the duration of the Nursing Program I'm currently involved in because: one - the Nursing Program is too stressful; two - having to deal with another person's drama will take up too much of my time and three - I can't deal with someone who can't understand that I won't be available to chat for maybe weeks at a time or at least just on weekends, as long as there are no exams. I listen to the stories from some of my classmates about how their SO's are upset because they're not the center of attention. I simply thank God. So, what is the deal with me thinking that God has a great sense of humor? I'll explain. I am, by Webster's definition, the most guy crazy broad one will ever meet. Seriously. When I meet an attractive guy, have his first and l...

I'm on a journey. This journey is unlike any journey. This journey is to take me to my Father. This journey is to bring me closer to my God, my Baba, my Papa...you get the idea. It took me a long time to get to the place where I'm finally ready to take this journey. It's a shame really because my family is steeped in God and for whatever reason, it passed me by. But I have to reevaluate my earlier thought about it being a shame. Is it? I'm not going to say, "better late than never" because I feel in this case it doesn't apply. It's more about the timing being right. I'm a coconut head. Meaning, I'm so hardheaded, it's not even funny. For an idea to finally get in, my head, like a coconut, has to be split, metaphorically speaking of course, for it to sink in. Trust me, my head has been split, well well. I thank God, truly, for His Grace and Mercy and Kindness. Why? He has been patiently waiting for me all this time to make my ...

I'm going through a divorce and ending a marriage that lasted two years. Two long, hard and hurtful years. I married a monster, an evil man. When I say evil, I mean evil like when we were kids and we had to have on night lights because we were afraid of the boogeyman. That kind of evil. A man free of any sort of remorse. A man with no conscience. More on this character later. Trust me, I will totally spill the beans but things have to be in place first. Anyway, when my marriage first ended, I was of the mind that I was free and I could move on and find the one for me, the one to truly love me the way I'd always known I'd be loved, my soulmate. Needless to say, I'm still single. Sure there are men out there who are interested but the problem is, I'm not. I'm afraid. I'm afraid of giving away my heart. I'm afraid of trusting someone so completely and utterly. I'm afraid of being myself. With my soon to be ex-husband, I trusted him impli...