Apparently, it's possible to be completely oblivious to one's short comings.  I was on the phone w/ my baby brother and he schooled me big time.  To the rest of my family (mother, sister, him, maybe even my other brother) I'm totally immature, completely self-involved and lack any sort of motivation.  He said I was a freeloader in my mother's house and I don't contribute in anyway.

It's a bitter pill to swallow.

I've always felt apart from everybody, like I was put into a family that I just didn't belong to.  If we didn't look alike, I'd think that I was adopted or something.

I'm in self-reflective mode right now.  I agree with some of what he said, not with others, but again, he gave me his perspective from the view of an outsider and I believe it was an objective view.

I feel like an idiot.  After the conversation, I sat back in my car and asked God why he made me the eldest if I am this way?  I look at other people that are the eldest in their families and they are "responsible."  I'm not like them.  I'm a free spirit, I float, I don't or atleast try not to take things so seriously, but that may be the problem.

I wish google could direct me on where to go, to get the answers I need.  I could then print out a checklist and follow it everyday and not fail.


Comments

Anonymous said…
I sympathise with you for hearing such misconceptions about you from a younger brother. It can be very disheartening to get such a reaction from a family member. It is possible your siblings have discussed it among themselves and your brother is just being an unofficial spokesperson?. Anyway just work on those things you acknowledge are true and for the rest only time will tell through your actions. Family members are such that you cannot completely cut them off from your life but now you should find a way to relate to them in a way that they don't continue to have such negative misconceptions about you especially now that you know. Wishing you all the best.
November 21, 2012 at 3:25 AM
YankeeNaija said…
Thank you. I wish I could convey the emotion behind the thank you but words can not do it justice. Thank you.
November 21, 2012 at 11:23 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Setting my heart free

I'm going through a divorce and ending a marriage that lasted two years. Two long, hard and hurtful years. I married a monster, an evil man. When I say evil, I mean evil like when we were kids and we had to have on night lights because we were afraid of the boogeyman. That kind of evil. A man free of any sort of remorse. A man with no conscience. More on this character later. Trust me, I will totally spill the beans but things have to be in place first. Anyway, when my marriage first ended, I was of the mind that I was free and I could move on and find the one for me, the one to truly love me the way I'd always known I'd be loved, my soulmate. Needless to say, I'm still single. Sure there are men out there who are interested but the problem is, I'm not. I'm afraid. I'm afraid of giving away my heart. I'm afraid of trusting someone so completely and utterly. I'm afraid of being myself. With my soon to be ex-husband, I trusted him impli...
Read more
This is really just a self-gratifying post. I just wanted a medium to shout out how much I love my man. He is just so effing secksy , yes, secksy . Just saying he's sexy does not do him any justice whatsoever. I chuckle as I write this because that last statement was silly, but I'm giddy with love and whatever other hormones course through my veins because of this feeling that is not tangible but we know exists, love. I love him and he loves me. He's known me since I was fifteen years old and has loved me since then. That's some serious devotion. He's told me that he just knows that I'm the one for him and I feel exactly the same way. I'll admit there was a time where I doubted in this probability. I thought there's no way, maybe there's someone else out there, but I find myself realizing that he is my husband, the future father of my children (God willing). Hey, I still believe that ultimately, God dictates what goes on in our lives and I...
Read more

Journey

I'm on a journey. This journey is unlike any journey. This journey is to take me to my Father. This journey is to bring me closer to my God, my Baba, my Papa...you get the idea. It took me a long time to get to the place where I'm finally ready to take this journey. It's a shame really because my family is steeped in God and for whatever reason, it passed me by. But I have to reevaluate my earlier thought about it being a shame. Is it? I'm not going to say, "better late than never" because I feel in this case it doesn't apply. It's more about the timing being right. I'm a coconut head. Meaning, I'm so hardheaded, it's not even funny. For an idea to finally get in, my head, like a coconut, has to be split, metaphorically speaking of course, for it to sink in. Trust me, my head has been split, well well. I thank God, truly, for His Grace and Mercy and Kindness. Why? He has been patiently waiting for me all this time to make my ...
Read more