Apparently, it's possible to be completely oblivious to one's short comings.  I was on the phone w/ my baby brother and he schooled me big time.  To the rest of my family (mother, sister, him, maybe even my other brother) I'm totally immature, completely self-involved and lack any sort of motivation.  He said I was a freeloader in my mother's house and I don't contribute in anyway.

It's a bitter pill to swallow.

I've always felt apart from everybody, like I was put into a family that I just didn't belong to.  If we didn't look alike, I'd think that I was adopted or something.

I'm in self-reflective mode right now.  I agree with some of what he said, not with others, but again, he gave me his perspective from the view of an outsider and I believe it was an objective view.

I feel like an idiot.  After the conversation, I sat back in my car and asked God why he made me the eldest if I am this way?  I look at other people that are the eldest in their families and they are "responsible."  I'm not like them.  I'm a free spirit, I float, I don't or atleast try not to take things so seriously, but that may be the problem.

I wish google could direct me on where to go, to get the answers I need.  I could then print out a checklist and follow it everyday and not fail.


Comments

activeghman said…
I sympathise with you for hearing such misconceptions about you from a younger brother. It can be very disheartening to get such a reaction from a family member. It is possible your siblings have discussed it among themselves and your brother is just being an unofficial spokesperson?. Anyway just work on those things you acknowledge are true and for the rest only time will tell through your actions. Family members are such that you cannot completely cut them off from your life but now you should find a way to relate to them in a way that they don't continue to have such negative misconceptions about you especially now that you know. Wishing you all the best.
YankeeNaija said…
Thank you. I wish I could convey the emotion behind the thank you but words can not do it justice. Thank you.

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