Just got off the phone with Oscar and I was reminded, gladly, how not into me this man is.  It's funny how I never saw this.  I'm sure it was always there, but because I was so into him, I assumed he was equally into me.  The same with Alex.  My birthday was on the 8th and he didn't remember my birthday.  So on the 11th, I called Alex and said that I was now officially 37yrs old and he wished me a happy belated birthday.  I called him out for forgetting my birthday and he said that he didn't forget, that he remembered but had other things to do.  I said to him something akin to I was a secondary thought to him and he denied it, of course.

So interesting.  Why am I choosing men who, as my mom says, don't regard me as anything?  Here I am thinking I'm this take no prisoners sort of chick but latch onto men who are self-involved and relegate me to the background.

I have to break this cycle and at least I'm honest with myself and not brushing it under the rug.

There's a party this friday that I'm really looking forward to going because there will be guys there.  Funny thing is that if I meet someone, great, but I like to be ogled and so I'm going there to have the guys watch me.

I want to meet someone, a really nice guy who gets mad crazy about me as I would them.  Is that too hard to ask?  I don't want a reoccurence of the "situations" I had with Alex and Oscar.  I want to, for once, meet someone who fancies me for a change.  


activeghman said…
The truth is you won't be attracted to a man who will be so much into you the way you described. That will not give you any butterflies. If you find a man that gives you butterflies like Oscar there will be perhaps tens or more women who will have similar crush on him. This means there will be competition and he may choose another person. An example is the way celebrities have thousands, if not millions, of women having crushes on them yet they will settle down with only one out of the thousands of women. Its only on few occassions that we have a crash on someone and he equally has a crush on us. If you find such an occassion you should grab it with both hands because its very rare. The funny thing is that one becomes more attractive to the opposite sex when one is not actively looking. There is something about the body language of someone not looking that the opposite sex finds attractive. Its weird but true. Wishing you all the best when you go to the party this weekend.
T.Notes said…
Ghost readers....even when i'm not dropping a comment..i'm still reading...
YankeeNaija said…
lol. and I'm glad for it. I miss you TN and our convos. I hope you're well.
YankeeNaija said…
@Active: didn't go to the party. my little brother was admitted to the hospital so wasn't in the mood to party. As per your comment, the thing is, I would have butterflies for someone who is just as into me as I am with them. The issue is that because I actively search, I don't find them and when I get just the slightest bit of interest, I grab it, whether it's detrimental or not. I'm pretty transparent, which is probably also the problem. There is no air of mystery where I am. I'm exactly who I appear to be. I just need to learn to not look for it so that I can have it or not look for it and it find me. How ever that's supposed to work. I really appreciate your feedback.

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