My (random) thoughts

Never being one to have a crush on men w/ blonde hair, imagine my surprise to find myself salivating over Mark Valley. Blonde, piercing blue eyes, megawatt smile. HubbaHubba.

I honestly didn't think anyone would post on Christmas Day.  I came on to see if anyone would and they did. First off, I'd like to wish a Merry Christmas to my favourite people on Blogville (I don't need to name names, you know who you are).  Christmas was great, except for when I had to hand off my son to his dad at noon today, but I digress.  Something the priest said during midnight mass stayed w/ me.  He said that we've received the perfect present from the only perfect being, God and that present is His Son.  Such love. I thank God that for loving us so much that He wanted us to be free of sin that He allowed His Son to be born on this day, so that He would die that we may have life. Thank you Father for such love.

I had a convo of sorts w/ God and told Him that I wish that He were around.  I told Him that I wished that He were tangible.  This is something I said to Him as I was getting on the freeway on my way to work this morning.  Imagine my astonishment when I was driving, getting close to work and a HUGE rainbow was before me.  I know for some this may not mean anything, but for me, it means A LOT. Thank you Father for first of all, hearing me and second of all showing me that You are around.

I've been thinking about this for a while now.  There are some amazing qualities that the men I've dated or am currently seeing have but there are also some qualities they have that I'm not too fond of.  This is leading to the fact that, in my head, I have this picture of this ideal guy for me.  I wish I could build the ideal man, not perfect because there's no such thing, for me.  But the more I think about it, the more the notion comes to mind that no matter who we end up w/, they won't encompass everything we're looking for.  We make adjustments, compromises for the little things.  That's an interesting concept, one that I'm not sure I'm ready to accept yet.  In my mind, I still believe that the one for me is out there, I just haven't met him yet.  (I know.  I'm 35 yrs old and I still believe in fairy tales - tee hee).

I'm at work and taking a quick break to post this.  I came out of the bathroom some minutes ago.  Our work bathroom is pristine, even on a weekend.  I had to pee so badly and so I rushed into the loo.  Lo and behold, the stench that awaited me was unlike anything my nose had ever beheld.  There are three stalls and the smell was strongest in the first stall.  I moved to the second and the smell wafted into the second and when I tried going into the third and final stall, it was too strong.  I bailed out of the ladies bathroom and ran into the men's bathroom.  Luckily it's the wknd and there are no men around so I was able to use the bathroom.  But it got me to think about the smell I encountered in the women's bathroom.  It wasn't the smell from someone having a bowel movement, but the smell from a woman's vagina.  Now, as a woman, I know that we have our natural smell.  But this smell was far beyond even my own comprehension. ...

I've been told that I have anger issues and I'll be the first to admit that I do.  I get peeved easily.  But I'm praying about it and I know that God can destroy it. What am I frustrated about?  My life, in general.  I'm so off track right now.  I really don't know where to go.  I just turned 35 on November 8th and I'm lost.  I was on track, had everything mapped out: graduate in 2011 June, take the NCLEX, get a job, meet someone in 2011, get married in 2012, get pregnant, have a baby by 2013 or 2014.  Now, I'm stuck.  Visually, I feel like I'm in the middle of this blank white page, and there's nothing in front of me, behind, or on either side of me.  I feel like as I move forward, I'm just just seeing white and not sure if I should continue to move forward because I don't see any landmarks or visuals of land before me.  I know it's worry talking.  I sit here and ponder the fact that I don't know what I'm going to do if I ca...

I've resisted putting something up because I didn't have anything profound to say and I still don't, but I just wanted to write something, in hopes that my juices would start flowing.  We'll see how it goes: I had this idea to write about something yesterday.  I had the idea in my head but I completely forgot what I was going to write about.  I was in Beverly Hills yesterday.  I work in Beverly Hills now and during my lunch break, I had to run some errands.  Something caught my attention but for the life of me, I just cannot remember what it was.  How sad.   On another note, I'm no longer w/ CG.  Turns out we were in no way, shape, or form compatible.  I think I'd always known, but I just wanted someone around and hoped that we would work.  But I am seeing someone, but it's purely physical.  The thing is, I'm tired of having purely physical relationships.  I want a relationship w/ meaning.  I want a relationship based on...