Therapy

So, I started therapy.  Therapy, I've come to find out, is good for many issues, not just one.  I dealt with my issue of being molested as  a child and learning the art of forgiveness.  Now, I need therapy to help me overcome my eating disorder.  I'm a compulsive eater and on a good day I suffer from bulimia.  For me, both should go hand in hand but I've haven't been purging but have definitely been eating and have gained about 50lbs.  I know I need help.  I've tried to deal with it on my own and have failed miserably.  There were times I had it under control but it's resurfaced and is kicking my ass.  It rules my life and it's not a great existence.

I've been meaning to make an appointment to meet and talk with a therapist but I have done so.  It's an idea that's been floating around in my head but I just remembered now, while penning this, that I need to make an appointment with a therapist.

It really sucks, to be carrying around all this extra weight and no one knowing the real reason for it.  All they see if that I'm getting bigger and bigger but don't know why.  It's not something I can easily talk about to my mom or anyone in my family.  My home is not a judge-free home and being Nigerian, no one understands compulsive eating, they just call it "long throat" or bulimia, they think you have some sort of evil spirit controlling you and have to pray to get rid of it.  Were it that easy.

I do need to and will make an appointment to meet with a therapist who can help me overcome this disorder.  It truly is a miserable experience and I can't live like this anymore.  I want to able to eat food and not freak out and feel guilty and have to eat a ton and attempt to purge it in order to get out the little I ate that I thought meant I had gone overboard.  It's really a sickness and logically I understand that but I feel so powerless.

I will get the help.  I need the help.  God help.