putting myself in the crosshairs

I revealed to my mom yesterday that her boyfriend has touched me inappropriately by grabbing my ass and has said inappropriate things to me.  She told me that she's been wanting something, leverage I guess, to finally leave him.  She believes me, which is good, but wants to set a trap for him, to give her that extra push to leave him.  Now, I've avoided this man at all costs, even staying in my room all day, especially when he's around and planning my escape routes should he come into the same room I'm in.  My mom wants me to go about my usual routine and that if he does it again, tell him that he should stop and that I'll make her aware of it, and she'll take it from there.  When I spoke w/ my sister and told her my mom's plan, she totally agreed w/ my mom, saying it was the logical thing to do.

I greatly disagree!


I feel violated by this man and to ask me to put myself in a situation and allow him to touch me again, just so you can have the guts to leave him?  How can I be asked such a thing?  Shouldn't my telling her in the first place be more than enough leverage she needs to leave him?  Why must I allow him to do that to me again?  I'm so angry, even as I type this.  I have cried so much over this today.  I cried more about what my mother asked me to than what the man did to me.  I feel as if I'm being asked to allow myself to be violated, again!

Am I wrong for feeling this way?  Am I wrong for not seeing it from my mom's perspective?  My sister does.  I really would like to know.  To see if I was wrong in this matter, I asked a friend of mine, a male, and he asked me for my address so that he could put a beat down on my mom's boyfriend.

I told my boyfriend about this and he totally agrees with me.  I'm so confused.  I want to see it from my mom's perspective, but I can't.  I just don't see it from her angle.  I need to continue to pray for strength, both for myself and for my mother to do what she needs to do, leave him and not use me as bait in order to do so.


Comments

doll said…
I think you are completely right. I am sorry you have to go through this. Thank God she believes you. I think you should talk to your momma, tell her exactly what you wrote here. That you do not want to be used as a bait, that you feel violated enough already. What if the next time she is not at home and it goes further than feeling you ass. Remind her that as your mother your safety should be priority to her. Give her an ultimatum if possible. I pray God would give her the strength to do the right thing.
YankeeNaija said…
thanks Doll. I've been praying that God give her the strength to do something and not use me to give her that push.
Cleopatra Jones said…
oh my goodness, you are 100% right in feeling the way you do. you should not have to go through that experience again - it's awful and i'm so sorry it's happened to you already. she really should just be able to leave him from what you told her and not have to lay a trap - anything can happen. i really hope your mother understands how hard and dangerous this would be for you.
YankeeNaija said…
thanks CJ. that's been my prayer.
DBLOG said…
I have nothing against your mother but I think she doesn't completely believe your story 100%. It is irresponsible of her to turn you into a guinea pig.From an outsider’s point of view, it is nearly impossible to fathom why a woman might stay in an abusive relationship(bf touching one's daughter butt is abusive). While it seems logical that a woman would maintain her independence after going through the trouble of abusive relationship, there are many things that might also compel her to stay. Fear is one of the primary reasons that women return to abusive relationships.

I think its either your mother is scared of him or she doesn't believe you. Try involving close family members like her sisters or a man(uncle).
DBLOG said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
DBLOG said…
I just updated my blog.Thanks for the support. I sincerely hope that you are doing alright.hiatus?....lol. okay I am back madam yankee!!.
YankeeNaija said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
YankeeNaija said…
@DB: I involved my sister, she agrees w/ my mom. I told my uncle, he told me to keep my distance from the man. I continue to leave it in God's hands. glad you're back, but your absences are too much jo.
justsoyouknow said…
We share the same sentiments. How come that she favored more his boyfriend rather than you. Is his boyfriend a domineering type?

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