I read this quote from Maya Angelou, where she said, I'm just paraphrasing, to be ready to receive whatever it is you've asked for. Ain't that the truth! I've asked God for understanding, wisdom, insight and boy! did I get it. I envy those who instinctively understand the goings on of life and can freely navigate and not fall into the different pits that lay before us. Sadly, that is not the case with me. I'm one of those that has to fall into just about every pit and figure out how to get myself out and not only do I have to dig my way out, figure out how NOT to fall into the next one. My theory is that those who KNOW have been here before. They've lives so many different lives that they get it. They've traversed all the minefields and now know when to step over them, in order to avoid getting blown up. I am grateful to God that I'm not going through this alone. He is with me and in the end, I'll have everything figured out.
Life sucks period. I don't know why I would want to continue it but there's this annoying resiliency within me that won't allow me to give up and I'm grateful, I suppose. There's hope in my heart, to see past the negative and focus on the positive. I'm trying. I focus so much on my failings that I don't see my successes. I've decided to see a therapist. One of my co-workers had success with her therapist so I asked her to give me her therapist's number. I need to unlock whatever it is within me that causing all of this. I want to be whole. I want to be better. Not jagged pieces with no purpose.
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