Happy New Year to you all!

Saturday night, my sister, cousin and I went out, sort of a girls' night out.  We had dinner and saw The Tourist (love that movie).  During dinner, I was lamenting a lost love, the only man I'd ever loved, only time I'd been in love and my sister asked me why I was regretting the lose of that love, like I wasn't going to get it back so why regret it.  I explained to her that I know that I would never get it back, but letting him go was one of the biggest mistakes of my life.  The conversation carried on and my sister was telling our cousin how she'd always known me to be like a dude in a female's body, in that once I let a guy go, that was the end of it.  She said that was one of the things she admired about me.  As she was saying this, I was wondering where that person went?  I was wondering when and where I had lost that person.  Back then, I was fearless and was in control of my love destiny.  I knew what I wanted, refused to settle for anything but the best.  If a guy didn't act right, I cut him lose without a thought and kept it moving forward.  But now, I find myself giving a guy, who I know is not that great for me, the benefit of the doubt.  Why?  Is it because I'm afraid of being alone?  Am I afraid that I won't find anyone else?  Am I afraid that I can't do better?  Since my sister said what she said, I've been doing some soul searching and I'm trying to get that girl/woman back.  I did something that I hadn't done in a long time and it felt really good.  I put myself first.  My ex boyfriend, the guy I broke up w/ in May, called me the morning of the 2nd of January.  I didn't answer.  He didn't leave a message, and I didn't call him back, still haven't and still won't.  Prior to what my sister said, I would've called him back.  This is someone that has never put me first, has never taken my feelings into consideration, but I still stuck w/ him for God knows what reason.  On Christmas day, I sent him a text, wishing him a Merry Christmas, and I received no response.  He didn't even think about me on that day.  I called him almost a week later to find out why he didn't even think to wish me a Merry Christmas and he gave me lame excuses.  On New Year's, I chilled.  I assume that him calling me on the 2nd of January was his lame ass attempt of letting me know that he thought of me.  Well, he can suck my nuts!  I'm no longer going to put myself last.  I'm putting myself first and only doing what is good for me.  Selfish as it may sound, but it's something that's been missing for quite a long time and something that is desperately needed.


Cleopatra Jones said…
Good for you! You definitely don't deserve to be treated like that and you should put yourself first! I don't think it's selfish at all. Happy new year! =)
doll said…
well he is your ex so he is not technically obliged to call you or think of you.

Just put him behind you and move on and keep putting yourself first
NoLimit said…
Hmmm I think the fear of being alone is one that happens to the best of us...I have my moments too...where I think shoot I don't want to die alone but the truth is there worse things in life...like being married to the wrong person for the rest of your life...believe me...you don't wanna go down that route...it sucks big time and I have living examples to that effect(sad but true).
gateway360 said…
Loving someone is very easy, but finding a person that loves you equally or more is hard.....really hard
Naijalines said…
That's not selfish at all. You're taking care of you...your heart.
Happy New Year, missy.
Naijalines said…
Versatile and stylish: you've been tagged, missy. check out the rules on my blog.

Happy Sunday and New Week!

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