Yesterday I decided that I was going to end my life.   I've never been happy in this life.  The only thing that's kept me hanging on was my son.  Yesterday, I felt I had finally hit my limit.  Other than alcohol and food, I don't have many vices.  I did research on what would be the best , easiest way to die.  The general consensus was shotgun blast to the head  or chest, overdosing on sleeping pills or self drowning.  My son would be ok.  He's in a better place with his father and I think he's learned enough from me to live a good life.  

I've made a mess of this life and I just don't want to live it anymore. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Today is my off day from both work and school and i pretty much stayed up all night, watching tv and now blogging.  I'm a bag of mixed emotions because of the mayhem going on in my mother's house and the fact that i'm back w/ my ex boyfriend, I'm very happy about that.  CG is totally out of the picture, the twat, but for the most part, I'm doing ok.  I have God on my side.  Truly, psalm 27 is really coming in handy during these trying times.  V10: my mother and father may abandon me but the Lord will take care of me.  I love the Lord and He has truly heard my cry.  God is good. CG Well, last Saturday, i drove CG to the airport before going into work.  I'd already been having my misgivings about him but I just shook them off.  So, Saturday night he lands in NY.  He first sent me a text to let me know he'd gotten there safely earlier in the day.  He later called me to chat but my sister, cousin and i were driving to a party and were using my phone as our na
Read more

putting myself in the crosshairs

I revealed to my mom yesterday that her boyfriend has touched me inappropriately by grabbing my ass and has said inappropriate things to me.  She told me that she's been wanting something, leverage I guess, to finally leave him.  She believes me, which is good, but wants to set a trap for him, to give her that extra push to leave him.  Now, I've avoided this man at all costs, even staying in my room all day, especially when he's around and planning my escape routes should he come into the same room I'm in.  My mom wants me to go about my usual routine and that if he does it again, tell him that he should stop and that I'll make her aware of it, and she'll take it from there.  When I spoke w/ my sister and told her my mom's plan, she totally agreed w/ my mom, saying it was the logical thing to do. I greatly disagree! I feel violated by this man and to ask me to put myself in a situation and allow him to touch me again, just so you can have the guts to le
Read more

Setting my heart free

I'm going through a divorce and ending a marriage that lasted two years. Two long, hard and hurtful years. I married a monster, an evil man. When I say evil, I mean evil like when we were kids and we had to have on night lights because we were afraid of the boogeyman. That kind of evil. A man free of any sort of remorse. A man with no conscience. More on this character later. Trust me, I will totally spill the beans but things have to be in place first. Anyway, when my marriage first ended, I was of the mind that I was free and I could move on and find the one for me, the one to truly love me the way I'd always known I'd be loved, my soulmate. Needless to say, I'm still single. Sure there are men out there who are interested but the problem is, I'm not. I'm afraid. I'm afraid of giving away my heart. I'm afraid of trusting someone so completely and utterly. I'm afraid of being myself. With my soon to be ex-husband, I trusted him impli
Read more