I had a revelation this morning.  They seem to come as a result of some folly of mine.  Be that as it may, I'm grateful for this revelation.  I know why I have so many failed relationships.  I just choose anyone.  I choose whoever pays me attention.  I know from the onset that they are not what I want or what I need, but I overlook all of that because they pay me attention and they happen to be in my space.  I don't get approached by men.  It could be a multitude of reasons why that doesn't happen, but men don't approach me.  So when one does, even if he is not what I'd be attracted to, the mere fact that he showed interest in me, meant that I had to give in.  I give in because I don't know when next I'll get approached again. 

I learned about the concept of loving myself and being comfortable with being alone.  I learned it but I didn't know how to put it into practice.  I didn't know how to go about executing it in order for it to have the necessary outcome it's supposed to in my life.  I have since learned how to execute it.  My way is just to not give a fuck.  I'm 42, to be 43 in November and have taken on the attitude of no longer caring or no longer believing that I'll ever meet "him".  I'm ok with me living out the rest of my life alone because I have so much to do and worrying about when this nonexistent person will come into my life is not one of them.  It's bittersweet yes, that I finally got it now but I'm glad I did.  

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