Crush

I've developed a massive crush on one of the managers.  I won't say that I'm the senior manager but I now run the largest location of the company, that's exciting.  But I'm crushing on the newest member of the management team.  He's beautiful.  I can just stare at him all day.  He sits either next to me or across from me during the management meetings and it's not helpful.  He's Mexican, dark hair, dark eyes.  Very intelligent, great sense of humor and when he says my name, I melt.  I had to drive to his location cause I was dropping off donuts to the different sites for the staff and when he and I were interacting, my nether regions were on fire.  I have never felt anything like that before.  Like literally on fire.  I had to leave or I would have kissed him.  The last management meeting we had, he moved his chair and sat next to me and I literally had to hold my left hand because it felt natural to touch his leg and I think I was just about to till I realized that would have been inappropriate.  Did I mention that he's beautiful?  So effing beautiful.  His dark eyes, dark eyebrows.  **Swoon**  I find the most random, albeit legit reasons to call his site.  I just like hearing his voice.  I was in the process of moving and we were on the phone and he speaks to me in Spanish, in that sexy voice of his and seriously, I would have said yes to anything he said or would have suggested.  I like this boy.  I call him a boy because he's thirty-one.  He's eleven or twelve years younger than me.  

The sad thing or the more practical thing, depending on who you ask, is I'm trying to talk myself out of even continuing to entertain any ideas of being with him.  I told a friend of mine that the reasons why I can't even consider being with him is that I'm fat and older.  She snickered at me and said the only legit reason she can think of is we're coworkers.  Otherwise, there would be nothing wrong with us being together.  Neither of us mentioned that he's much shorter than me, which to me speaks volumes.  I don't like the idea of dating someone shorter than me but with him, I don't care.  

There are four managers and we all went out after work to dinner and drinks.  I was the last one to show up and I had hoped that my crush would be sitting next to me, but I honestly didn't think it would happen and sure enough when I got there, I saw that he was sitting next to the chair meant for me.  After we had dinner, drank, talked so much shit and had fun, I offered to drive him to his car and he accepted.  We pulled into the parking structure, he pointed to his car and we then sat in my car for about half an hour talking, primarily about work, but he talked about his progress in the company and it was nice that he felt comfortable enough with me that he shared some things he probably couldn't share with others.  I loved that he did most of the talking cause when he was lost in thought, I just stared at his lips and wondered what they would feel like while I kissed them.  

I can't.  I can't.  

I turned over a new leaf.  I'm not prone to giving into my feelings, desires like I used to.  I don't just go all in without having in my what my objectives are.  I like him, but not enough to ruin a burgeoning friendship.