I miss it

I'm sitting here on the couch, watching the Golden Globe Awards and thinking about wanting to be kissed.  I miss it.  I miss a lot of things.  I miss the feel of a hand in mine.  I miss the feel of a good, deep, long hug.  I miss the feel of someone else's hand on my body.  I miss it.  But you know, as much as I miss it, I'm not willing to compromise in order to get it.  It's amazing that I now get it.  I'm 42 years old and I finally get it.  "It" being enjoying getting to know me, getting to show me love, getting the opportunity to really figure out what/who I want in my life.  In the past, when I wanted all I'd mentioned earlier, I was willing to have it come from whatever package I saw, not really caring how it came or who it came from, just as long as I had it.  Not any more for damned sure.  I've been single since October 31st, 2017, when the man I was engaged to let me know he wasn't in love with me anymore.  Despite this and sadly, not seeing this as an opportunity to take a break and reevaluate, I thrust head first into finding a replacement, which, thankfully didn't pan out.  After the last fail, I realized that I had been given an amazing opportunity.  Opportunity to love me, date me, fall in love with me, appreciate me, get to know me and I'm definitely taking advantage of this time that I have.  I don't know what the future will bring or if I'll even have a partner but you know what?  I'm fine with it.  I'm happy with me.  I'm loving getting to know me and I'm loving loving me.  

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Setting my heart free

I'm going through a divorce and ending a marriage that lasted two years. Two long, hard and hurtful years. I married a monster, an evil man. When I say evil, I mean evil like when we were kids and we had to have on night lights because we were afraid of the boogeyman. That kind of evil. A man free of any sort of remorse. A man with no conscience. More on this character later. Trust me, I will totally spill the beans but things have to be in place first. Anyway, when my marriage first ended, I was of the mind that I was free and I could move on and find the one for me, the one to truly love me the way I'd always known I'd be loved, my soulmate. Needless to say, I'm still single. Sure there are men out there who are interested but the problem is, I'm not. I'm afraid. I'm afraid of giving away my heart. I'm afraid of trusting someone so completely and utterly. I'm afraid of being myself. With my soon to be ex-husband, I trusted him impli...
Read more
This is really just a self-gratifying post. I just wanted a medium to shout out how much I love my man. He is just so effing secksy , yes, secksy . Just saying he's sexy does not do him any justice whatsoever. I chuckle as I write this because that last statement was silly, but I'm giddy with love and whatever other hormones course through my veins because of this feeling that is not tangible but we know exists, love. I love him and he loves me. He's known me since I was fifteen years old and has loved me since then. That's some serious devotion. He's told me that he just knows that I'm the one for him and I feel exactly the same way. I'll admit there was a time where I doubted in this probability. I thought there's no way, maybe there's someone else out there, but I find myself realizing that he is my husband, the future father of my children (God willing). Hey, I still believe that ultimately, God dictates what goes on in our lives and I...
Read more

Journey

I'm on a journey. This journey is unlike any journey. This journey is to take me to my Father. This journey is to bring me closer to my God, my Baba, my Papa...you get the idea. It took me a long time to get to the place where I'm finally ready to take this journey. It's a shame really because my family is steeped in God and for whatever reason, it passed me by. But I have to reevaluate my earlier thought about it being a shame. Is it? I'm not going to say, "better late than never" because I feel in this case it doesn't apply. It's more about the timing being right. I'm a coconut head. Meaning, I'm so hardheaded, it's not even funny. For an idea to finally get in, my head, like a coconut, has to be split, metaphorically speaking of course, for it to sink in. Trust me, my head has been split, well well. I thank God, truly, for His Grace and Mercy and Kindness. Why? He has been patiently waiting for me all this time to make my ...
Read more