My (random) thoughts

Forgiveness.  Such an easy word to say, but a hard act to perform.  I take that back.  There are levels of forgiveness that are easy to perform, but there are some that are too difficult.  I was contemplating my life the other night/morning and remembered an event that occurred in my life when I was 3 or 4, a life altering, devastating event that has affected my life to this moment.  This event shattered the bond of a mother and daughter, causing us to never connect the way we should.  I was molested when I was 3 or 4 and my mother walked in on the act.  The man in question sat me on a table in the boys quarters and began to fondle me.  My mom walked in on him when he was doing this.  She obviously dealt with him, but the part that surprised me the most was that she beat me and said I went looking for it.  She blamed me.  I've never been close to my mother since that day and she's never been close to me either.  Or maybe she's ...

On my way to church this morning, I was listening to the KJLH, like I normally do.  On Sundays, it's church radio, a departure from it's usual rotation of R&B.  I was listening to a particular sermon, where the preacher was using the passage in Genesis, where Jacob wrestled the Angel of God and his name was changed and he himself was transformed and what I surmised from what the preacher said, was that each of us receive regular blessing, whether we're good or bad.  BUT, when God has BIG BLESSINGS that He wants to give us, we need to be transformed.  We have to be changed.  I too am going through a transformation, getting ready for all that God is going to do in my life.  Are you getting ready for the BIG BLESSING?  Are you going through your transformation?  Think about it.  Each of us, on some level, are being transformed more and more into the likeness of God.  Isn't that why He created us in the first place?  ...

I have all these ideas in my head.  I have so many that I've now been reduced to writing them down on pieces of paper, so that I don't lose that train of thought, so that I can post it, which I don't.  Go figure.  I'm going to write, just dealing w/ stuff.  I know, I know, who doesn't have stuff to deal w/?  But my stuff I'm dealing w/ is extra special stuff (seriously hope someone bought that).  I'll be back, I guess when my head is in the game.