My (random) thoughts

I'm writing again and let me just say: that shit is hard. That being said, I realize I don't have the discipline to do it. I'll still get this story out and another one I just started, sort of an autobiography, but it's hard. It's different this time around because I don't have any blocks. As soon as I get my lazy ass to write, the story starts pouring out. I'd like to publish, but then again, who would like to read it? I know, I know, it doesn't really matter what anyone says but is that true? How come when we receive praise, we're so happy and hang on every word but when we receive negative feedback, we say that they don't know what they're talking about, what they say doesn't matter? Go figure. I think that's more of what I'm afraid of, the negative feedback. I've never written anything other than papers for school assignments and that was eons ago. And then, I hated it because it was such a chore, but now, I hav...

For whatever reason, this saying has been on my mind. I first heard it from a friend of mine when we were sophomores in high school. It was after school, and we were waiting in front of school for our respective rides. She was telling me about the dude she was dating. They'd been together, off and on, for a couple years and she wondered if she was really in love with him or in love with the idea of being in love. Honestly, I didn't understand the concept. I'd always thought that when you fell in love, you knew it. At least that's what the romance novels said (lol)). Fast forward to this time and I'm contemplating that idea. Was I in love with the person or was I in love with the idea of being in love? Mind you, I'm not saying relating my most recent ex that I was in love with the idea of being in love. I was in love with him. My perception of being in love is loving the whole person, not your idea of them. I loved him entirely. The thing about love...

Yupper. I am officially single. Weird. Really weird. Goes a little something like this... Last Tuesday, May 18th, my boyfriend and I had plans to hang out, outside of his place. I was so looking forward to it too. Earlier in the day, we kept touch by text, just checking on each other, seeing how the other was doing, that sort of thing. The last time we communicated was around early on in the afternoon. I called him when I knew he'd be off work, after 4:30pm, to find out if he'd gotten home to feed and walk his dog to figure out how much time I'd need to get ready. I called his cell, no answer. I called his house, no answer. I waited 30mins and again called his cell and home, no answer. I waited an hour, called both cell and house, this time leaving messages. I waited for a call, a text, something. I got nothing. Next day, no communication. Day after, he sends me a text asking how I'm doing, I don't respond and we haven't communicated, in any way, ...

I know, shocker. I've posted three times in one week, twice in one day. What's come over me? My desire to write is back and I've been thinking about my book lately. I see how my characters interact and I see their lives evolving, in my head, but I have to get it on paper or computer, then eventually paper (lol). I'm the biggest procrastinator and it's terrible. I'm habitually late because I always wait to the last minute to do something. I'm fricking 34 years old and I still have the terrible habit of procrastinating I had when I was in high school. I joined this group on FB that said something like procrastinators unite...tomorrow (lol). That's me in a nutshell. Oy! How sad, BUT, I'm working on it.

I've toyed with the idea of seeing someone else. Sort of the idea of things looking better over the fence. But the thing is that I'm devoted to my love and don't want anyone but him. It boils down really to the fact that we have such history and he knew me when I was so young and knows me now. Sometimes, it's scary how he can read me and know what's going on in my head. He knows my mannerisms, knows my facial expressions. I see other men who are taller and leaner than my beau and I do wonder what it would be like to date them or get to know them but then, I know in my heart of hearts that I wouldn't have anything substantial with them, it would be purely physical and I'm past that point. I want substance and that is what I have with my love. I have something REAL with him. If I were to step out of our relationship to satisfy a primal desire, i.e. sex that lasts a long time, that's fulfilling, the way it used to be with my love, then I would sati...

What do we, as women, want from the men we love? This is specifically geared to our significant others, our lovers, boyfriends, husbands. What do we expect from them? What do we hope they can/will do for us? I can only speak for myself and say that what I want from my boyfriend is attention. I would like to speak to him everyday. I would like for him to call me and talk to me about whatever he wants. I don't want to be the one to have to call all the time. I would like for him to plan something for us to do. I would like to be able to go out with him and do something other than stay at his house and hang out all day. Mind you, I don't mind if it were an activity we did once in a while but it's every time. I want him to compliment me more. I want him to tell me how attractive I am, how beautiful I am. He tells me how intelligent I am, and I love that but it would be nice to know that he thinks I'm pretty too. I want my boyfriend to take better care of himse...

It's apropos, I suppose, to title this post as random thoughts, cause I was just thinking some really random stuff. I want to do so many things with my life. I'll list them: 1. After nursing school, I want to go on, get my masters and be a nurse practitioner, in what, I don't know. 2. I want to get married again. Shocking, I know but I've found the person I want to make that level of commitment with. 3. I want to have more children, maybe three but we'll see how the next one goes. My munchkin turned six on Thursday and I'll be thirty-five this year, so we'll see how things go. 4. I want to open up my own bakery/dessert bar. 5. I want to write a book. I've been toying with the same idea for close to six years now. I have eleven pages written so far and the idea is still rolling around in my head. That's all I can think of right now. That is all for now.