I wanted to make it a point to have a post for today, being the first of the month. I wanted to make a mark on today. The thought for this post came to me as I was on facebook and I was looking at pictures from friends' pages and it hit me: regret.

My life is not what I pictured it. It is not in the vicinity of where I thought I'd be or who I'd be. Regret is something I know of too well. In my case, hindsight seems to be the only form of vision I have. Granted, there's no way to turn back time, because trust me, I've tried, but I'm starting to accept that I have to choose my steps carefully and with my newly awakened state, I think I can now have foresight instead of only hindsight.

I think back to my earliest memory, I believe I can remember as far back as being almost two, when my sister was born, and wonder where it all went wrong? Where did I make the wrong turn at the crossroads that led me to the life I'm living now? I know that many would say that the life one lives is the life we're meant to live but I differ on that completely. I think that God has our lives all mapped out the way He wants it to go but when we take that wrong step, He helps us make the best of the life we've chosen.

Thinking about the past, there are certainly many places I would go back to and change the direction I chose. What really got me to think more about this is a book I'd read years ago about going back to a certain time in one's life, for two weeks, and being able to alter your life by making a decision that, due to hindsight, you're able to make and having the option, once the two weeks were up, to either remember everything, thus having two memories of your old life and new, or forgetting the old life entirely. If given the option, I'd certainly remember the old life and the new.

How I wish that were possible.

The only thing that would keep me from changing things is my son. He is the only light in this dark world. He is the reason why I look forward to everyday. He is the greatest gift I've ever received.

If there was only a way to have him, without ever having to have to meet his father, I would do it in a heartbeat, but alas, that's not possible, unless...

Comments

Simi Speaks said…
wow. dunno what to say.

if the regret is becos of one person, dont let it weigh u down any longer. take it as lesson learnt. Make lemonade out of ur situation. Whatever it is.

Keep seeking His face and presence, there u shall find fullness of joy and peace.

Didnt know u had a son! How long is he?
YankeeNaija said…
He's four, going on thirty.

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