I'm getting married. That's right! I'm engaged. The interesting thing is that I've been wanting this for a long time but now that it's here, I don't know what to do. If left to me, I would go to the courthouse and get married but the the thing is that there are other people involved, namely my family. So now, that leaves us with planning a wedding and deciding who will be in it. I'm not really there yet so I'll leave that for now. What's on my mind is, I'm not the young bride to be anymore. I'm forty years old, soon to be forty-one, and as excited as I am to begin this new phase of my life, I'm not that excited about the whole planning process. I've been seeing lots of pictures on Instagram and videos on Youtube of lovely weddings but they're all of young people and nothing starring people mine and my fiance's ages. And another thing is we want to take our time with the planning process and not feel rushed but people freak out and think we're looking to have a long and drawn out engagement. You can't win for trying.
Life sucks period. I don't know why I would want to continue it but there's this annoying resiliency within me that won't allow me to give up and I'm grateful, I suppose. There's hope in my heart, to see past the negative and focus on the positive. I'm trying. I focus so much on my failings that I don't see my successes. I've decided to see a therapist. One of my co-workers had success with her therapist so I asked her to give me her therapist's number. I need to unlock whatever it is within me that causing all of this. I want to be whole. I want to be better. Not jagged pieces with no purpose.
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TN
Cassie Daves Blog
@ CAssie: thank you!!