My (random) thoughts

Am I shallow because I prefer to be thin and not fat?  I've been on a mission to be thin since July of this year.  I have a love hate relationship w/ my weight.  I've lost 23lbs so far, gained about 4 back, on a mission to shed 20 more lbs.  I think the love hate relationship is w/ food.  I love food, but sometimes use it as a crutch when I'm feeling emotionally perplexed. I have this phobia of fat.  I seriously hope I'm not offending anyone, but I do.  I refuse to date a fat man.  There is nothing sexy about seeing all that flesh over pants, not to even mention when the clothes come off and that body has to lie on top of me?  Gives me the heebee jeebees thinking about it. I hadn't bought new clothes in a long time because when I gained the 40 lbs I'd gained cause I was depresseds, I refused to buy bigger clothes.  I did make one concession:  for the party I went to where I met CG, I bought a dress, a size 14 dress.  It was a pretty dress.  My mom insisted I

I totally understand that I've been MIA and I do apologize.  I'm even writing this from work, during my ten min break.  I miss my peeps, my crew, my compadres, mis amigos, etc. I'm currently listening to Pandora.com, genome radio and I'm listening to songs that are evoking feelings from me.  I can't believe I'm getting emotional over certain songs and it's kind of annoying me.  Laugh all you want.  I know I border on the absurd, but hey, deal with it.  LOL.  I'm just imaging NJ shaking her head right now. Aside from my son, school and work, my life is good. I'm happy, very happy.  June 2011 is my projected graduation date and I'm so stoked.  But I was told to just take it one day at a time and not try and control what's going to happen in the future.  I couldn't even if I wanted to.  I seriously can't wait till I have a vacay so I get back into the thick of blogging.  I miss it.  I miss my peeps (said that already I know, but I do